These were the hard, but truthful, words my wife spoke as she shared her frustrations of being married to an overscheduled youth pastor.

It wasn’t like I didn’t see it coming… Over many months I had blurred the lines of ministry and family. I had created an unhealthy ministry schedule in a church that was exploding with growth. My overscheduled ministry had become the enemy of healthy family time. I knew in my heart there were things I needed to change.

I had been to conferences that told me to create boundaries and to take care of my family. Even though I knew simple changes would make all the difference, I was allowing the complexity of ministry to lead the way for my family. It took a difficult reality and painful words to begin a new direction…

Here’s what I discovered: When I schedule what matters most for my family, we stay healthier and I minister from a healthier perspective. Therefore, it is imperative that I live by some simple, (yet powerful) ways of planning family and ministry. We do this by picking a regular day to make a plan. For us, it’s Monday evenings. We have dinner together and look at our upcoming schedules. During this habitual planning time we are intentional about setting aside family time.

Here’s how we schedule what matters most:

(Continue reading the rest of this article over at youthministry.com by clicking here)

When all is said and done, where do you hope to see students by the end of high school? What are your priorities for them?

It’s a question that I somewhat answered at the time, but is a question I have been working through ever since (and still am). The funeral of a sixteen year old student and this question from a parent gave me a new perspective on what I do. In some ways, it gave me a new lens to look through in what I do… It has caused me to struggle through the question:

What matters most in my ministry” What priorities are truly going to help students grow and “finish well”?

Or, maybe, frame it this way:

What is most important today that will impact students in the long-term? 

Before I jump into what my priorities are, I must remind myself that I am here to partner with parents, not replace them. They are with their kids much more than I. The more I can come alongside parents in their primary ministry, the greater the impact on their students. It’s easy to place all the burden and focus on our student ministries, when in fact God intends parents to be the primary disciples makers of their kids. However, as I partner with parents and provide the best environments for students to grow, he is my “work in progress” list of priorities I have for students:

1. SELF FEEDERS: Students are equipped to “self-feed” their faith with personal Bible study, prayer, and accountability. I want them to own their faith and have a personal deep faith with their Savior.  It simply is not enough to spoon feed our kids and hope they will survive without owning their own faith through daily habits.
2. COMMUNITY: Where students are connected and learn the importance of staying connected as they grow into adulthood. The more they learn and experience healthy community while at church, the more likely they will search and discover authentic community once they graduate.
3. SERVING & OUTREACH: Students discover their gifts and the fulfilment of serving in church, their communities and on their campuses. If they serve in our ministries and church ministries they further more reason to stay connected to the body once they graduate high school.
4. OWNERSHIP: Students feel they are integral to what is happening on a weekly basis. It’s not a finely oiled adult led student ministry, but an authentic student led ministry where students can be involved and lead what God is doing, (no matter how messy things might get).
5. LEADERSHIP: A place where younger students are served and invested in by older ones. So often, I see older students acting with an “entitlement” mentality towards the younger ones. I firmly believe it’s imperative to create a culture of older students serving younger ones. It is my hope that these students will develop into adults who are here to serve the others, not consume as we see so often in our churches.
6. A DEEP FAITH THAT REACHES OUT: A ministry that is deep and wide where students have depth of love for their savior and the heart and the tools for reaching the lost.
7. FAITH & REASON: Students are challenged to have a grounding in faith and reason for God’s existence. One day they will enter college campuses where they will be challenged with various arguements. It’s imperative that we help students understand science and fact that points towards our God.
8. ME TO WE: Adult leaders (and students) need to know how to accomplish ministry goals even when I am not there.  My goal is to invest, equip, and empower leaders in such as way that they might be tempted to ask the question, “So, what does Phil actually do around here”. I firmly believe that my ministry is more effective and God honoring when it is not focused on me. Too many of us enjoy being the “rock stars” of ministry, but we can easily overshadow Jesus and stifle others ministry opportunities.
9. BELONG TO THE CHURCH: Here’s one that Tim Brown added to the list, (see the comments). “I’ve also seen for those students who are in the area after HS, that sadly they don’t feel that they “belong” to the church the attended during youth group. Though we are a more traditional/blended worship (i.e. Not contemporary or emergent) I believe the fault is that one of our goals was that we didnt aim to incorporate th into the body of adult believers. We let youth group and “church” run parallel, but not connected. Maybe that’s unique in my church because it’s large, but I would add that to the list”.

Well, there’s my “work in progress” list for now… I am adding and tweaking these ideas and goals as I go. I would love to get feedback from you too!

Phil <><

So what are we to do with this reality?

1) Realize that this is path of the course. You’re not alone. All of us at some point have to earn our stripes. One day the time will come when they say you have the leadership, but the kids think you are old… Enjoy this season if you are still in it…

2) Leadership is about trust… Trust takes time: No matter where I have been, or how old I am, I realise that people need to know and trust me before they can be led by me. I have been at my current church for just over a year now. In my first year I committed to not making any major changes (unless emergencies), until a year had passed. This went a long way with youth leaders, students and parents. Whether you are seasoned youth worker or not, people will follow when they trust you… it takes time…

3) Avoid using “when I” statements: I have been guilty of justifying my decisions by talking about my track record from the past. When I was younger I would often refer to accomplishments I had made in my short experience as a way to gain acceptance of an idea. Now that I look back, I realise that it only came across as insecure and showed my lack of experience. Note: I think it is perfectly fine to talk about ideas that have worked in the past, but when it is gain greater leadership acceptance and  fill the hole of inexperience, the truth will likely be seen by others…

4) It really does take time: I can’t say it enough… If we want people to follow, realize that greater leadership and experience must run it’s course. Relax, take it easy, enjoy your ministry and enjoy growing…

5) Have such integrity that people will believe what you say… From the words of Wiersbe, ensure that people see your ingretity. I have found that even while people will point out leadership flaws in my ministry, they are still willing to go on a journey with me when they know they can trust my integrity…

The Big Question: How can I recruit and develop great leaders? 

Of course,it should be a given that it’s about God’s power and providence. There are also many answers to this one question, but I believe and have seen that there is one crucial element and answer that will make the difference between great leaders and average or bad leaders…. Are you ready for it? 

It begins with who you are!

It stands to reason that it’s not a good idea to buy hair products from someone with no hair. It stands to reason that you should not go to a dentist whose has teeth like Austin Powers. It should stand to reason that your leaders and partners in ministry will not partner with you if you are not the real deal. Or, if they do work with, they are likely never to live up to their full potential if you are not living up to it yourself… Here’s how it works: 

If I want my leaders to do the little but hugely important things like phone the kids, or send a postcard in the mail, or take a student out for coffee… it’s important that I take time to call or write… If  I want my leaders to be growing in their faith and always have something to encourage and share with kids, it will depend on how I am doing  in my faithwalk. If I want my leaders to stay cool in high pressure situations, over time it will depend on how I do the same. If I want my leaders to become good listeners for the students, it will depend on how I do the same for them. Bottom line: I can’t expect my leaders to do what I am not doing… My words and training mean little if I am leading by example.  

I meet a lot of frustrated leaders who need volunteers or have volunteers and are frustrated with them. We have to remember that we are all works in progress, and no one changes over night, but over time, our leaders will lead in the way it is modeled for them. It’s painful to admit, but if we can take an honest look at ourselves and allow God to change us, we will have a greater impact when we do the very things that we would like our leaders to do. More people will volunteer and their effectiveness will be greater… so will yours, (and mine). 

You see it’s the idea that leaders will learn leadership better when it is modelled for them. It’s the whole idea that Paul speaks of in 1 Thessalonians chapter 1: 

You know how we lived among you for your sake. You became imitators of us and of the Lord; in spite of severe suffering, you welcomed the message with the joy given by the Holy Spirit. And so you became a model to all the believers in Macedonia and Achaia. The Lord’s message rang out from you not only in Macedonia and Achaia—your faith in God has become known everywhere.

It’s the whole idea that our leaders, our partners in ministry and our student leaders will become (over time and not instantly), what is modelled for them. 

So, what kind of imitators are your leaders becoming? Today, take a look at some areas of your leadership and consider what small and important things you can do to model great leadership. What are some of the things you can care well for your leaders so that they care well for the kids you see every week. What phone calls do you need to make? Who needs a note in the mail? What truth does God want to impress on your heart that you can inspire your leaders with?

What is God saying to you today about who He wants you to become? How will that impact your leaders? How will impact God’s Kingdom?

Phil <><