youthwork TALKTalk about youth ministry and life…

Monday was our 7th wedding anniversary for Lisa and I. Apparently the 7th year can be the most challenging year of marriage. With kids, financial pressures and ministry, I can see why so many couples struggle. It has not been plain sailing for us at times.  However, in the last year I feel Lisa and I have taken some good steps as we look in the mirror of our marriage and we have realized what we need to do to be healthier as a couple and what we need to protect. 

I wish I could say we have figured it all out, but we haven’t! There are some things we have been learning and some good things that I believe will keep my marriage and (ultimately) my ministry, healthy. Bottom line, we can’t expect our ministry to be healthy if our families and marriages are not…

Things I do (and should do more often) to keep my marriage fresh. 

ABC Dates - This is an idea that Lisa came up with a while back that I blogged about about (link). Every two weeks we go on a date that begins with the current letter of the alphabet we are on. It involves either an activity that begins with that letter or going to a restaurant beginning with that letter. We have played arcade games, bowled, been to corn mazes, watched hockey games and eaten at all kinds or weird places… Bottom line: Our marriage is more interesting and fullfilling when we do stuff outside the norm. ABC dates force us to do things outside the norm. 

Family Night - This works in two ways. Every Monday is my day off and our ‘planning night’. We sit down to dinner with our planners and look at our meal plan, Lisa’s schedule, my schedule, and plan one or two times to do fun stuff as a family that week. Later that week we go a ‘Family Night’ together: Bike rides, ice cream, the park etc…

Communicate My  Schedule – Not rocket science but is something I hear way too often from my ministry friends as a stumbling block for ministry marriages. Today I just printed off my whole summer schedule for my wife. However, none of it was planned until she gave her approval. (Do you shudder at that thought of your spouse giving approval? If so, ask yourself why? Jim Burns from Homeword.com once told me that he gives his wife veto power over his whole schedule)… 

Planning Quality Getaways: Ministry is crazy enough for all us and we know that our spouses can often get shorted for time on a regular basis. Therefore, I make it a priority to plan in advance our vacations and daytrips away. Right now we have planned daytrips this summer, (we are expecting a baby soon and this does not allow for vacations so much ). We also have a late Fall getaway and late winter getaway already on the calendar. Might sound like ‘over-planning’, but my experience tells me that if my getaways and vacations don’t make it on the calendar, other stuff will.

Here’s what I do to protect my marriage and family: 

Healthy Hours: Not working more than 50 hours a week – I actually schedule for 40 and with all the ministry ‘add ons’ I usually end up at 50. My mentor told me that every hour over 50 is not likely to be very effective anyway. 

Turn my phone Off… We don’t need to be talking, texting, or emailing when we are at home and with our families etc. Is it neccesary to take calls or send texts at mealtimes? When we do these things we are ‘not all there’ with our families. Lisa once commented to me that she wished I would ‘be all here’ when I am at home. This was hard to take, but was true. Do you need to be ‘all there’ by turning your phone off? 

Leave Frustrations at Church: This is a tough one, but one I am learning is imperative. I must learn to filter my frustrations and learn to channel them through trustworthy friends outside of my church. When I bring frustrations home to Lisa, it is hard for her not to be hurt by people and circumstances. It is imperative that she is excited to be worshipping at church without a negative feeling toward people or circumstances. 

Take a Day Off – If I murdered someone, or stole, or committed adultery, no one would disagree that I had sinned. Why then is it that we often find it hard to keep a Sabbath? You and I must take a day to reflect, refresh and refocus. Even if your boss does not take a day off, that’s not your fault. Doug Fields once told of a pastor who told a young youthworker that he didn’t take a day off because, “the devil does not”. The reply, “I’m sorry pastor, the devil is not my role model”… Who are our role models? What are we modelling for our families and students? 

Well, there are some things I do. What about you? What are you doing to keep your marriage healthy and protect it in the process?

A few weeks ago, this lady from my home country was all over the media with her performance on ‘Britains Got Talent’. Today, once again I was watching this show on itv.com and got to see her make it to the final of this competition. 

The premise behind the show is similar to American Idol, except people with all kinds of talent, (including singers like Susan), can perform to win a large sum of money and perform at the ‘Royal Variety Performance’ in front of Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II. 

As I watched again this evening I was struck by a common theme that seems to be running through this show in the last couple of seasons. Here it is: 

Take an individual who clearly does not LOOK like they ‘have what it takes’ and certainly does not look like ’star material’.  Stand them in front of the ruthless Simon Cowell and a judgemental audience waiting to heckle… Then, with the eyes rolling and the their hands on their ‘elimination buzzers’,  the judges let them begin… This is when this average, ordinary, unexceptional looking individual blows the roof off the house with an incredible performance… and the whole world looks on amazed… Soon, before you can say, “tea and crumpets”, she is on Oprah, Anderson Cooper and Larry King…

In many ways, I believe the producers of the show amplify much of the circumstances to create drama and a greater storyline. Nonetheless, why is this such a great storyline? Why do the producers play to the audiences need to see the unexceptional lady do an unimaginable performance?

Is it because this storyline is written on our hearts that has been played out again and again since God created the earth? Is it because each person was made for greater things, and that God is able to do the unimaginable in our lives? In fact, is it because we all sense that we are designed to “immeasurably more than we could ask or imagine” when the God of this universe shows up in our lives? 

Moses, the disciples, even Jesus himself, were the underdogs who were judged and written off before they had a chance… They were the ones who were marked for elimination at the first opportunity… yet, as we know, God is the God of extraordinary…

So, with all of this said, what does this have to do with Youth Ministry you may ask? Good question, let me explain:  

You see, the students we work with, live in a world full of eliminations… For some, it is: Broken marriages or tough parents, school, friends… maybe the church? They might not look the part or have it altogether yet,… they live in a world of rolling eyes and hecklers. Many of them don’t need a judge or an elimination buzzer since they have their own low expectations of themselves. Even students who come from great families, face struggles and challenges in our world today. Many of them don’t fit the mold of your typical leader or typical world changer, but isn’t it students like this who God loves to use? 

Here’s the most important part for those of us who are in youth ministry… It is our job to allow them to learn about the people God used for His purposes and let them know that God is able use them too… for extraordinary! It is our job to help them move from glimpsing a dream to living the dream God has for them. It is our job to create a ’stage’ for them to shine and discover their unique gifts and abilities and see how they can be used in this incredible playground called earth. It is our job to help them believe in God and to embrace this truth: He believes in them more than anyone else! It is our job to equip, empower and encourage them to become so much more than the world could ever give them… Make sense? 

Check out Susan Boyle’s Video over at youtube, (currently close to 60 million viewers): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

Phil <><

These last two weeks I have been looking and planning for the Fall, (yes call me crazy or call me British – I like to plan this far out). In addition, I got an email this week from a good youth ministry friend who was asking how I promote events for the Fall etc. Here is his question: 

hey. i’m working through some modifications for next fall, and one of the things I’m looking at a lot is publicity & communication with parents and students. I looked at your blog on stuff for parents, but was curious how you publicize stuff to your students. handouts? mailings? facebook? emails? a little of everything? just curious? 

I am sure that there are some much more innovative ways out there, but the following are what work for our ministry right now mainly because they are simple, sustainable and effective. We employ all these ways to promo for events and series kick offs. One way cannot work on it’s own. I find that many ‘hits’ work to get the message out there: 

1) Series Kick Off Postcards (2 weeks before): For our Fall Kick-Off series (and our January kick off), we send out some pretty awesome 5 x 7 postcards to every student on our mailing list, (we are very intentional in getting all their info). The postcards have been designed in one of two ways: First, I have a friend who is a graphic designer and he currently designs our stuff for free, (awesome I know). Second, some of the curriculum’s out there (like SYM and XP3) offer postcards and graphics you can customize yourself. However, I prefer to make it our own. This postcard, ‘Mission Impossible’ started out life as ‘Impossible for God’ from Simply Youth Ministry.

2) Facebook Group /Event Invite (10 days before): Probably the most effective current way to invite students to events and kick offs. We promo our facebook group quite a bit, but we also have many of our students who forward the invite to their friends. 

3) Text Messages (1 week and then again 1 day before): We have many of our students (and parents) signed up for this. I currently used Simply Youth Ministry’s text service (which is basically txtsignal.com). I love using this and I find that many students will text me back with questions, so it become quite interactive… 

4) Emails (10 days before): Again, we are very intentional about getting emails and contact info. Although email is an ‘old mode’ of communication for students, I find that a number of them still use email quite a bit. They might not check it regularly, so get the info out well in advance. 

5) Blog and Video Announcements (updated two weeks before): Rather than having a traditional website for our student ministry, we have a wordpress blog that we can update and change quickly and easily. It also allows us to upload video announcements which create much more interest than usual. I use my flip camera for quick updates, and I have a great leader who is awesome and creating good ‘trailers’

That’s what we do. Like I said… simple, sustainable and effective. If you have some good ideas, I would love to hear them. Feel free to leave a comment. 

Phil <><

Here’s an interview I did with Tim Schmoyer at the National Youth Ministry Conference back in February. I am constantly having to refocus and remind myself how to keep ministry sustainable, simple and effective. Maybe this is a good reminder for you too? 

Tim is a great youth worker has an incredible youth ministry blog with loads of tips, ideas, resources, interviews, videos… the whole enchilada! Check it out at www.lifeinstudentministry.com

So, as many of you know who follow this blog, I am part of a church plant in Southeast Michigan, (well, does 6 years old still class as a church plant)? At Easter we had our first service in our first full time facility that we now own. Up until now, we have rented facilities, used homes and the youth program when I arrived here met in basements. Now that we have our own place, you would think it would be all plain sailing now? Right? Yes… and no. Here’s 10 things I have been learning…

1) Less Set up / Tear Down? Getting in a building does not necessarily mean less ’set up and tear down’ every time we meet for our large program. Prior to being here, we rented a facility for youth ministry and we had to set up and tear down every week. Now, we still have the same situation. We do not have our own youth space and this means we still have work hard before and after the program. 

2) Students Love the Place! Our place looks great and does look like your typical church. Students feel greater ownership and love the place and feel. 

3) Students say they bring more Friends! A number of students have told us that they feel it is easier to bring their friends to. When I ask why, they explain that it’s almost like inviting friends to ‘their place’. Before, it was like inviting friends to someone else’s place.

4) It’s Easy to be too Laid Back! I have noticed that many of my leaders took their foot of the gas a little when we arrived here. It’s almost, like “this will be easier, now we can relax”. 

5) Laid Back = Falling Over! We were all a little too laid back about getting in here and we fell a couple of times and we have had a lot of bumps in the road. 

6) Falling Over is a good path sometimes! Falling over and tripping up a little has been an important part of our journey. I love the fact that I am surrounded by leaders who are always looking to learn and get back up when things don’t go to plan. 

7) SWINE FLU changes Everything! Yes, we had to close our youth program down one Sunday after we got word that some students in the local high school were infected with H1N1 virus. I did not want to over react, however, it was important to send a clear message to parents that safety and health is a top priority for us. 

I have a LONGER JOB DESCRIPTION! Now that I am in the office more, I end up doing more stuff outside my youth ministry description. I usually preach every couple of months and work on a lot of communication stuff for the church, but recently I have become: Removal man, IT help desk, Cleaner, Handy Man… just to name a few. However , it’s important to say that I love doing this. There are some people who are throwing down a lot more than me. We are a team and it’s important to get stuff done… 

9) I love my British office! I got to paint and decorate my own place. The flavor and feel is British! I have a lot of stuff from my home country in there! 

10) WOW, we have grown!!!! We have increased attendance by about 25% in the first month. Now, we have had Easter and mothers day, but we have seen so many new people, first time commitments to Christ and so many more people have got plugged into ministry. AND, at the end of the day… this is what it is about. 

There, you go, that is what I am learning. Sorry for the blog drought… It has been a busy season!

Phil <><

My lack of blogging in the last couple of weeks is due to our church moving into our first ever fulltime facility. Up until now we have met in schools, houses, and rented facilities. As a 6 year old church plant we have seen some pretty significant things happen and it has been incredible to see how ministry can explode without a facility. This last Sunday (Easter) was our very first service in our new facility and we grew by 22% from the previous weekend. It’s been a crazy but amazing couple of weeks! 

This Sunday is our first time we get to run our weekly youth ministry program there to0. There are a number of changes we are having to make due to the differences of location and also because we have many more options to enhance what we do… However, it’s my experience that when we I have had significant changes in a program, it is important to understand that simplicity is better when kicking off something new.

There is always a temptation to ’shoot for the moon’ to create an incredible first impression, but I have found in the past that it is better to simplify in these situations… Here’s why: 

1) My Leaders can Care Better: I always tell my leaders that students might think they are coming for a ‘wow’ evening, but it is caring and community that will keep them coming back the next week. When our leaders are all caught up in creating a incredible wow factor, it is easy to lose sight of relationships. Even if our students cannot verbalize this loss, they will certainly feel it. When I can allow my leaders to do their ministry as ‘normal’ as possible and keep their focus on caring, we will see students return week after week. 

2) Start Good and Move Towards Great: This idea might seem backwards or contrary to how many of us think, but I have found this to be true. A friend of mine called Jason, went to school to be a professional guitarist in a band, (I never knew you could go to school for that before), he taught me a principle that he learned that has always stuck with me. When doing a gig with a band this is what your set should look like:  Begin with one of your better songs, (not your best), do a slightly better song next, and then your third song should be your best. Start good and move towards great… Keeping our envinronment simple and including a few ‘wow’ components allows us to start realistically.  As we ‘find our feet’ in the next few weeks, we can add better and more complex components to what we do. Not only is this easier to do, it is actually better to do…

3) Simple Leads to a Greater Impact: When we all know how the environment runs because of simplicity it is easier for us all to see the ‘win’ that we are trying to head for. I am big proponent programing simply so that we even our students get why we do what we do. When we have a complex environment, it is often hard to identify the goal and purpose. When we keep it simple, it is easier to keep our leaders and students pulling in the same direction, thus having greater impact. 

How are you keeping it simple and relational? 

Phil <><

Take some time to check out this funny video made by the guys over at dare2share. It’s real funny and they do a great job in being ‘office-like’. 

I love how Easter  reminds me of the great love and sacrifice of our Heavenly Father displays through giving us Jesus. I am always humbled when I consider how much has been done for me and  the great cost that was involved. Easter is about a great gift to us and a new start that comes from Jesus sacrifice. 

For myself and my church, we are even more humbled and in awe this weekend as we will be having our first service in our new facility. We are humbled by what God has done in peoples lives in the 5 years that lifechurch has existed. We are in awe of God’s providence for this new church home.

In Southeast Michigan the economy has been getting progressively worse  and we have seen wave after wave of lay-offs affecting families at lifechurch. However, it has been so amazing to see how God has been providing for each of these families and how He has sent wave after wave of new people here. It is very apparent that when times are tough in the economy, God is able to do immeasurably more than we can ask of imagine, according to His power working through us. 

At this time of Easter, I am very thankful for the great cost that was paid for each of us, while I am also in awe of the many blessings that He continues to provide for us each day. 

Please be praying for my church as we transition into this new facility.

Phil <><

In a few weeks we will moving our main middle school program to a Sunday evening overlapping with our main high school program. Primarily, we are trying to be 1) family friendly by giving parents of both middle school and high school, one evening to bring their students. 2) Free up space in our new facility 3) Enable busy midweek students, (sports, school etc), the opportunity to attend. 4) Recruit more volunteers to work with students who could not make a midweek night, but could make Sundays. 

However, although there are many more excellent reasons for doing this, my experience (and yours too perhaps), tells me:  I cannot shortcut a process to get students, parents, and volunteers on board with changes. Let me list and give a little understanding to how I have brought about this change in our ministry. 

1) Sense the need to make this change: Any potential changes I see must come through prayer and leadership intuition. Seems basic, but how many times do we want to make changes because another church is doing something different or someone else says we MUST do it?

2) Start Early: I began this process back in October… Don’t underestimate how long you need to organize a big change, and don’t underestimate how much time people need to process change…

3) Gather specific reasons and information: Before I gave the idea I gathered information.  Here’s what I gathered:

a. Online survey of parents: “What’s best night for student ministry program”: 84% said Sunday was best. IMPORTANT: Although surveys are great for getting hard facts, do not discount how important surveys are for building ownership from parents. 

b. Surveyed students who did not attend our midweek program: Most are busy on Wednesdays and prefer Sundays. About another 20% could make a Sunday

c. Talked with potential leaders over the last year who kept telling me Wednesdays were tough to make. I had a list of about 10-12 people.

d. Talked to existing leaders about potential of a Sunday night: Most liked Sundays… 

4) Have potential change conversations: As I began to gather this information, I started to have conversations with leaders, parents and students about the potential of this happening. It was important to use the phrase, this might not happen, but it’s possible… I find that these conversations are pertinent to getting people open to the idea. 

5) Present solid facts: After these potential conversations, I found a number of forums to present facts based on what I had learned from surveys and conversations. These forums included email, website, facebook, newsletters and up front announcements. Obviously I met with my pastor and volunteers to talk specifically about what I had discovered. 

6) Present vision: While facts and information are great for getting people to see a need, they mean nothing unless there is vision of betterment for students. As I discussed and communicated with students, leaders and parents, I kept on communicating how students lives would be impacted: 

a. More students could come, b. more leaders could volunteer and invest time in students, c. families win back a night together if they have middle school and high school students.

7) Prepare Leaders: My final step was to meet with leaders individually and together as a group to plan and get their input on the changes. It’s important that I set them up for success and allow them to give ideas and input. I have to admit that I will not cover every detail and I must rely on good leaders to see potential issues or come up with better ways to do something… 

That’s how we are doing it for now. I will post later after the change has taken place and share what went well and what we missed… No matter how well we plan, we will likely miss something… BUT, it’s better to take good steps toward changes than take none… Hope this helps…

Phil <><