youthwork TALKTalk about youth ministry and life…

Last week was an exciting one for Lisa and I as we welcomed our second child to the Bell family. Here you can see our first, ‘Emma’ with her baby sister ‘Addie’. Emma was excited to meet her, Addie on the other hand was not a big fan of meeting people…

I have been on vacation for a week and I am headed back tomorrow. We are all a little sleep deprived and very excited to be parents again. However, one of the blessings of having another Addie has been the insights God has provided for me as I reflect being a parent again. As I consider these last few weeks and as I look ahead, here is what I am learning about Family and Ministry:

Clarity: Having another child is a great way for me to be able to bring clarity to what matters most and to consider my primary ministry – my family. No matter how many tasks and how many events or programs I have, it’s important to realize that family should come before youth ministry. While youth ministry is of huge significance, it is my belief that God has called me to 1) Be child of His first, 2) Be a husband and father second, 3) A youth pastor third. Agree or disagree, this has been continuous theme I hear from mentors in my life.

Balance: Balance is always hard to find in ministry, but it is crucial that all of us should try to lead our families well and pursue balance. Two great books that I recommend on this area are: ‘Choosing to Cheat’ By Andy Stanley, and ‘What Matters Most’ by Doug Fields. Both books are an easy read and very practical.

Andy Stanley is the pastor at Northpoint Community Church in Atlanta which is one of the fastest growing churches in the nation…yet he maintains that family come first. He rarely works over 40 hours a week and God has done some completely amazing things at Northpoint. As I have kept my hours at a sustainable and healthy level, I have seen not only my family blessed, but the ministry too.

Example: The power of example is always a huge area I often talk about, (just see my previous post). You and I have too many students and families watching our lives  for us to set a murky example of healthy balance.  Ultimately, these students will live out what is modeled for them. It’s important to not only take care of our families first, but to realize that we helping those around us too.

Planning Ahead: Putting my family before ministry also means that I should give them priority in my schedule. As I look ahead at the Fall we already have some key family nights and date nights in our schedule. It’s often challenging to do this since ministry can consume us in many ways. However, it’s important to schedule family first.

Finally, as I have said earlier, I have seen great things happen not only in my family but in my ministry. When I have clarity and pursue healthy balance,  I win, the church wins, and of course… my family wins too.

What is God teaching you about balancing family and ministry?

Phil <><

We celebrate the good gifts God gives us in our children. Children are a gift from the Lord. Psalm 127:3

A while back I wrote a post about the power of example as a leader to volunteers. In the same way, the power of example to our students is imperative if we want to see them become passionate about Jesus.

This week Jason Lamb at Dare to Share posted an article of mine about the example of leadership to our students.

Take a look at: http://deepnwide.wordpress.com/2009/07/06/the-deep-and-wide-leader/

I know it’s the summer, but now is a great time to be brainstorming and thinking strategically about what events you will be doing when the Fall gets here. In the past I have used a lot of unnecessary energy and faced disappointment from events that didn’t turn out like I hoped. Today, as we look ahead to the Fall, let me give you a few tips from my vault of successes and mistakes.

1) Know the Purpose and Target Audience: This  is probably the most important step in planning the event. Who is it for? Is it for students who are not there yet? Is it a connections event to build community? Is it for students to grow deeper? My experience has been that the answer cannot be, “all of them”. The more specific we are, the greater the impact on the target audience you are reaching. A great question that always helps me to better understand the purpose is this:  ”When the event is over, what would we hoped to have seen happen”?

2) Communicate the Purpose and Target Audience: Once you have established the purpose and the target audience, make sure that everyone (and I mean absolutely everone – students, leaders, parents and the pastor), know the purpose. I have been frustrated in the past when planning events and the leaders and students are coming up with great creative ideas, but for a different kind of event. The more we communicate the purpose the greater we can channel creative ideas.

3) Build Ownership into Planning: When students are part of the process at the outset and are part of planning and implementation, the greater the impact of the event.  Although this can be messy and often students drop the ball, it is key to help them to be involved in as many ways as possible. In the past I have designed and implemented the slickest events with a group of youth leaders with low impact. In contrast, I have worked with students (and leaders) to design and implement events with high impact. Bottom line: Students want to see the event succeed if they have ownership of the ideas, creativity and implementation.

4) Keep the Event on the Same Night as Usual: There are two very good reasons I can think of for why this is key: First, it means you are not asking leaders to come out on a different night and therefore it is easier to staff the event. Second, when doing outreach events, it is crucial to allow for a ‘next step’ to the regular program the following week. It’s easier to invite a new student out the following week if it is on the same night.

5) Delegate, Delegate, Delegate: Yeah, yeah. We have heard this a million times. However, how much does this happen? Your ability to be ‘all there’ with students and be connecting with new students. Failure to delegate well will mean that you and I are programming the event more than we are pursuing students.

6) Create a ‘Next Step’: Having a next step as Andy Stanley would say, is creating an “easy, obvious and strategic” step for students to take at the event and / or following the event. A next step might be simply inviting a new student to come back the next week for your regular large group meeting, (this is why having the event on the same night is so important – it is easy, obvious and strategic).

Another next step might be have students sign up to get plugged into a small group at a connections event. If students are  connecting and getting to know each other better, a great next step is to be promoting small groups where they can continue to experience connection.

7) Pray! Finally, but most importantly, make sure that you pray for wisdom, direction and for God to do great things with this event. At the end of day, we are just event planners without God being at the center of what we are doing. Praying prepares our hearts to minister to students with the heart of God as well as preparing the hearts of the students who are coming. In my experience, this step is often the one that gets missed in the clutter of planning. Don’t miss this step!

Hope this helps. I am sure there are more tips you could include. Why don’t you share them with me? I would love to hear from you!

Phil <><

Yesterday I read the latest trends in ‘Teenage use of Media’ from Nielson provided by Media Life Magazine.

As youthworkers working with students, it is imperative that we understand teens world of communication and entertainment as much as possible, as well as find ways to ‘break into’ their world with relevant promotion, ideas, and conversation.

One caution I do want to state before you read on is this: I believe there is never a better way to minister to students than face to face contact where they see us look into their eyes with authenticity, hope and love. No media communication can replace quality time with them…

Three quotes stood out to me that I believe are helpful to us as we minister to students:

“Fact is, their media habits are similar to adults“.

It seems that the teenagers and adults are using similar modes of media to connect, relax, and get things done. The major difference is perhaps that teenagers tend to use these modes of media in greater consumption. This is good news for us in terms of how to interact and promote to them. Bad news is that they might be too busy to realize…

“In the first quarter of this year the typical U.S. teen sent or received 2,899 text messages compared to 191 calls – that’s about six times the average number of texts and nearly 100 text-messages per day.  Texting is picking up across age groups, but it’s clear that teens are leading this communications shift by leaps and bounds”.

This tells me that as youthworkers, we are smart to continue to communicate with students through text messages more than ever. Again, it is my concern that this this mode should not replace face to face contact. It’s easy to ‘check off’ kids on our list if we have been texting a student. Do we truly get the full picture from them through text? Therefore, I use the Simply Youth Ministry Text Service to ‘mass texts students’ about events, weekly programs and last minute changes. I do send students encouraging words and notes, but it is more of a promotion tool.

In respect of differences between adults and teens: ”

The biggest difference are in internet use, where teens spend about half as much time online”.

I have found that students rarely view our student ministry site even though we promote it regularly. They will respond to texts and facebook invites though.  However, I still use the web as a way to connect effectively with parents and adult leaders.

Also, a common complaint I hear from some of my leaders is, “I emailed him / her and they never reply to me…” Well, now we know why… If we want to ‘make contact’ with students, we know that a phone call to their cell phone won’t work, (many of them might now even know how to answer and hang up at this point). We know that an email likely won’t work, nor will a website or a flyer in the mail. For me personally, it is a more organic approach or ‘word of mouth’,  text messages, or facebook that seems to be working.

In light, of this study, it’s important to continuously consider how we communicate with students…

What works for you?

For more on the study go to Media Life Magazine.

Phil <><

Yesterday I posted about how I plan our message and series for the year. I emphasized why it is so important to pray and plan well in advance. One of the reasons is to help my leaders and students be involved the process creatively as well as give our speaking team time to prep.

In my post, I mentioned one of my leaders ‘Sara’ who speaks regularly in our large group environments. Not only is Sara a great communicator, she is an authentic and effective youth leader who has been ministering to teens for nearly a decade now. However, she is a full time mom and wife, and has her own speaking and prayer ministry that keeps her very busy. Yesterday Sara commented to my post and gave her perspective of why planning well in advance is helpful to her as a volunteer.

PLEASE NOTE: I hesitated to post this since I did not want anyone to think I am giving myself a high five for what I do. I felt it is important for all of us who are in the trenches full time to consider the ripple effect we have on volunteers and their effectiveness when we plan well…

One of Phil’s greatest assets as a leader is his dedication and determination to plan in advance with an openness to have to change or fly by the seat of his pants if needed. As a volunteer, I cannot tell you what a blessing this is! I am not constantly given last minute projects, spontaneous times to teach, whirlwind ideas and unnecessary crises that could have been avoided if there was good advanced planning. In Youth ministry and in any ministry frankly, we have to throw down often enough for crises, last minute emergencies or changes and there are always fun, spontaneous moments. But, to be following a leader who doesn’t plan in advance eventually becomes draining, exhausting, frustrating and frankly a complete drag since their last minute plans now become your problem when everyone is expected to drop everything in their life to make it happen. People and families get burnt. Phil leads a great example in this area and guess what one of his biggest problems is? He has more leaders than he needs! People are drawn to those who are respectful of their time, talents and families!

It’s been a couple of weeks away from the blogosphere for me since the summer break began. In ministry I have slowed my pace a little,  I am getting some extra time with my family, and getting jobs around the house done before the birth of our second in a couple of weeks.

Today I got together with one of my key leaders to finalize our Fall message plans and talked about some changes in the way we do our messages in our large group environments. Here’s what we do:

1) What we Teach for the Year: As I look at the year I have found that I need to consider which foundational areas students need to know and apply by the time they get to end of the school year. I wish I could say that I have developed my own system to ensure we have balance and foundation to what we teach, but I have not. Instead, I have found that ‘The Seven Checkpoints’ by Andy Stanley and Stuart Hall is a great start to ensuring that what we teach throughout the year. The premise of Checkpoints is this: We are likely to get about 32 hours of teaching time per year in our large group environments. However, we cannot teach students everything that is in the Bible in that short time. Also, everything in the Bible, while being true, is not relevant to students.  Checkpoints helps us to ‘narrow our focus’ (an Andy Stanley term), and ensure that we are teaching students the most important and relevant topics. Through a typical year we hit 7 areas that we feel every student needs to know.

2) Team Teaching: Although I lead my ministry, I have found it to be important and neccesary to incorporate good communicators to teach God’s Word to students. I have to be able to admit that different students need to hear different personalities and perspectives. It is easy for students to tune out the guy who is on stage every week. I am very blessed to have one leader who has her own ministry as a speaker to teens, and I have two other leaders who I utilize often who do a great job too. Even though team teaching requires a lot time, meetings, and investment on my part, it is so worth it to see students being blessed. Even if you are a volunteer, consider who at your church might do a good job coming in to speak or lead one evening?

3) Planning Well in Advance: Planning well in advance is imperative since it allows me to ‘perculate’ ideas and themes over weeks and months. It also allows the other speakers to prepare well and be creative. They get the opportunities to draw in students and leaders into the creative process.

4) Leave Some Gaps: My experience has taught me to leave at least 4-8 weeks of teaching unplanned for the year. In other words, every Fall and Spring I try to leave an intentional gap in my series teaching so that as a ‘current need’ or topic with greater relevancy comes up, we can be flexible to teach about it.

5) Be Flexible: As well as having gaps, it’s important to be flexible. No matter how detailed we try to be, there are always variables and last minute changes to consider. Whether it is a change in the large church schedule that requires me to change, or a leader who cannot speak for me, there are always changes to be made. I have found it is important to create a great teaching plan, but remain flexible with it.

6) Pray: Finally, but most importantly, I am always trying to seek God’s Leading as I plan for the Fall and the rest of year. I firmly believe that the Holy Spirit works just as effectively a few months before as well as a few weeks before. Therefore, it’s imperative to be praying carefully before I start planning.

That’s what I do, hopefully this is some help to you as you plan what you teach. Feel free to comment or send me a message if you have any questions.

Phil <><

Today I watched this video on cnn.com (below), and I was amazed by one high school students dedication and passion to make a difference in the world. As I watched, I was struck by two major revelations. 

First, I can’t underestimate how God will use me to challenge students to do something great. In this video, Emily Blake shares of how a speaker at a camp challenged her and others to, “not just be good students, but to do great things for God”… As I paused to consider this today, it made me wonder whether or not I am always expectant that God will do grand things with the words HE gives me? How about you? Are you expecting students to respond, or are you hoping they will? There’s a difference isn’t there? As speaker and teacher of God’s Word, I need to be reminded that there is power in His Word and promises. When I teach, I should expect God to do great things…

Second, it was a good reminder to me that students will often approach me with grand plans to change the world and make a difference… it’s means everything in how I respond. As adults in their lives, it is often easy to simply explain away an idea with a dose of reality from the ‘been there seen that – it won’t work’ reaction. However, her parents and Compassion International did more than simply give her a chance with an idea. Not only did they believe in her, they saw fit to come alongside her and help her navigate the steps she needed to take. It reminded me that I must not only encourage, I must also equip and empower.

Let’s face it, will all our students attain what Emily Blake did? Who knows? On average, probably not. However, I believe it means so much to students when we challenge them to raise the bar and do something amazing. It is also imperative that we support them as they try ideas in a safe environment. The steps (and how we support them in these steps), are crucial in this cynical world that always seems to have a way to dispel dreams. They may not be world changers today… but what they experience and how they are equipped and encouraged today means everything for what they attain tomorrow…

Monday was our 7th wedding anniversary for Lisa and I. Apparently the 7th year can be the most challenging year of marriage. With kids, financial pressures and ministry, I can see why so many couples struggle. It has not been plain sailing for us at times.  However, in the last year I feel Lisa and I have taken some good steps as we look in the mirror of our marriage and we have realized what we need to do to be healthier as a couple and what we need to protect. 

I wish I could say we have figured it all out, but we haven’t! There are some things we have been learning and some good things that I believe will keep my marriage and (ultimately) my ministry, healthy. Bottom line, we can’t expect our ministry to be healthy if our families and marriages are not…

Things I do (and should do more often) to keep my marriage fresh. 

ABC Dates - This is an idea that Lisa came up with a while back that I blogged about about (link). Every two weeks we go on a date that begins with the current letter of the alphabet we are on. It involves either an activity that begins with that letter or going to a restaurant beginning with that letter. We have played arcade games, bowled, been to corn mazes, watched hockey games and eaten at all kinds or weird places… Bottom line: Our marriage is more interesting and fullfilling when we do stuff outside the norm. ABC dates force us to do things outside the norm. 

Family Night - This works in two ways. Every Monday is my day off and our ‘planning night’. We sit down to dinner with our planners and look at our meal plan, Lisa’s schedule, my schedule, and plan one or two times to do fun stuff as a family that week. Later that week we go a ‘Family Night’ together: Bike rides, ice cream, the park etc…

Communicate My  Schedule – Not rocket science but is something I hear way too often from my ministry friends as a stumbling block for ministry marriages. Today I just printed off my whole summer schedule for my wife. However, none of it was planned until she gave her approval. (Do you shudder at that thought of your spouse giving approval? If so, ask yourself why? Jim Burns from Homeword.com once told me that he gives his wife veto power over his whole schedule)… 

Planning Quality Getaways: Ministry is crazy enough for all us and we know that our spouses can often get shorted for time on a regular basis. Therefore, I make it a priority to plan in advance our vacations and daytrips away. Right now we have planned daytrips this summer, (we are expecting a baby soon and this does not allow for vacations so much ). We also have a late Fall getaway and late winter getaway already on the calendar. Might sound like ‘over-planning’, but my experience tells me that if my getaways and vacations don’t make it on the calendar, other stuff will.

Here’s what I do to protect my marriage and family: 

Healthy Hours: Not working more than 50 hours a week – I actually schedule for 40 and with all the ministry ‘add ons’ I usually end up at 50. My mentor told me that every hour over 50 is not likely to be very effective anyway. 

Turn my phone Off… We don’t need to be talking, texting, or emailing when we are at home and with our families etc. Is it neccesary to take calls or send texts at mealtimes? When we do these things we are ‘not all there’ with our families. Lisa once commented to me that she wished I would ‘be all here’ when I am at home. This was hard to take, but was true. Do you need to be ‘all there’ by turning your phone off? 

Leave Frustrations at Church: This is a tough one, but one I am learning is imperative. I must learn to filter my frustrations and learn to channel them through trustworthy friends outside of my church. When I bring frustrations home to Lisa, it is hard for her not to be hurt by people and circumstances. It is imperative that she is excited to be worshipping at church without a negative feeling toward people or circumstances. 

Take a Day Off – If I murdered someone, or stole, or committed adultery, no one would disagree that I had sinned. Why then is it that we often find it hard to keep a Sabbath? You and I must take a day to reflect, refresh and refocus. Even if your boss does not take a day off, that’s not your fault. Doug Fields once told of a pastor who told a young youthworker that he didn’t take a day off because, “the devil does not”. The reply, “I’m sorry pastor, the devil is not my role model”… Who are our role models? What are we modelling for our families and students? 

Well, there are some things I do. What about you? What are you doing to keep your marriage healthy and protect it in the process?

A few weeks ago, this lady from my home country was all over the media with her performance on ‘Britains Got Talent’. Today, once again I was watching this show on itv.com and got to see her make it to the final of this competition. 

The premise behind the show is similar to American Idol, except people with all kinds of talent, (including singers like Susan), can perform to win a large sum of money and perform at the ‘Royal Variety Performance’ in front of Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II. 

As I watched again this evening I was struck by a common theme that seems to be running through this show in the last couple of seasons. Here it is: 

Take an individual who clearly does not LOOK like they ‘have what it takes’ and certainly does not look like ’star material’.  Stand them in front of the ruthless Simon Cowell and a judgemental audience waiting to heckle… Then, with the eyes rolling and the their hands on their ‘elimination buzzers’,  the judges let them begin… This is when this average, ordinary, unexceptional looking individual blows the roof off the house with an incredible performance… and the whole world looks on amazed… Soon, before you can say, “tea and crumpets”, she is on Oprah, Anderson Cooper and Larry King…

In many ways, I believe the producers of the show amplify much of the circumstances to create drama and a greater storyline. Nonetheless, why is this such a great storyline? Why do the producers play to the audiences need to see the unexceptional lady do an unimaginable performance?

Is it because this storyline is written on our hearts that has been played out again and again since God created the earth? Is it because each person was made for greater things, and that God is able to do the unimaginable in our lives? In fact, is it because we all sense that we are designed to “immeasurably more than we could ask or imagine” when the God of this universe shows up in our lives? 

Moses, the disciples, even Jesus himself, were the underdogs who were judged and written off before they had a chance… They were the ones who were marked for elimination at the first opportunity… yet, as we know, God is the God of extraordinary…

So, with all of this said, what does this have to do with Youth Ministry you may ask? Good question, let me explain:  

You see, the students we work with, live in a world full of eliminations… For some, it is: Broken marriages or tough parents, school, friends… maybe the church? They might not look the part or have it altogether yet,… they live in a world of rolling eyes and hecklers. Many of them don’t need a judge or an elimination buzzer since they have their own low expectations of themselves. Even students who come from great families, face struggles and challenges in our world today. Many of them don’t fit the mold of your typical leader or typical world changer, but isn’t it students like this who God loves to use? 

Here’s the most important part for those of us who are in youth ministry… It is our job to allow them to learn about the people God used for His purposes and let them know that God is able use them too… for extraordinary! It is our job to help them move from glimpsing a dream to living the dream God has for them. It is our job to create a ’stage’ for them to shine and discover their unique gifts and abilities and see how they can be used in this incredible playground called earth. It is our job to help them believe in God and to embrace this truth: He believes in them more than anyone else! It is our job to equip, empower and encourage them to become so much more than the world could ever give them… Make sense? 

Check out Susan Boyle’s Video over at youtube, (currently close to 60 million viewers): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

Phil <><