Advice for Veteran Youth Workers!

No matter how old you are or how long you’ve been in it, you are NOT obsolete or too old for youth ministry.  Never forget that.

1. You are a ‘real’ pastor.  Don’t lose sight of that when people ask you ‘when you’re moving up the ladder’ or ‘becoming a real pastor.’
2. Don’t get out of youth ministry because your body ‘can’t keep up with the kids anymore.’  Adapt.  Find new ways to connect with students – and find adult leaders who are ‘a little more spry’ to play basketball and run the lock-in.
3. If you haven’t already, start your ‘why I do this’ folder.  I’ve been keeping one since my first student ministry – pictures, thank you notes, letters, graduation announcements – I keep it all….like a memory hoarder.  On days when it doesn’t seem worth it, I pull out those albums and spend some time letting the Holy Spirit remind me why I continue to do this.
4. Find some hobbies outside of the youth ministry.  If you’ve been in youth ministry long enough to be considered ‘a veteran’, then you LOVE youth ministry.  Not in a newly infatuated date kind of way – but in a deep, abiding, agape kind of way.  Because of that, it can be easy to eat, drink, and sleep the student ministry that’s at your core…never turning off the youth ministry wheel whirring in your brain.  Find some things you like that help you unplug from student ministry – even if it’s just for a few hours.  It’ll keep your batteries recharged.

Embrace your call.  Don’t apologize for being a veteran – lean into your exceptional service.  Not many of us make it this far.  Enjoy it!

I’m not sure at what point you get to be considered a  “veteran”  youth worker.   Perhaps it is the point at which you realize you don’t really “know anything.”  Instead,  the “wisdom”  you have to share are the mistakes you have made.   I think it is the point at which you come to  the epiphany that you just want to be the person Jesus wants you to be.  Out of your great love for him all you can do is serve him.  As I am now considered a “veteran,”  here is what I would share with other “vet” youth people.

1. Don’t be afraid of change. I love to tell the story of the little girl who is watching her Mom fry a chicken.   Her Mom buys a whole chicken,  cuts off the legs and the wings and throws them away.  She proceeds to only fry the chicken breast.   “Mom,”  she asks,  “Why do you throw out part of  the chicken?  Why do you fry it like that?”  Her Mom responds,  “Honey,  I don’t know that’s how your grandmother taught me to do it,  ask her.”  So the little girl goes to her grandmother with the same question. The grandma responds,  “I don’t know that’s how your great- grandma taught me to do it, ask her.”  So the little girls asks the great –grandmother the same question.  The great- grandmother responds,  “That’s easy,  when I first started frying chicken I didn’t have a skillet that was big enough to fry it all in.  It took too long to fry the other pieces later so I threw them out.”    Do you see?  Two generations later a Mom is teaching her daughter to fry the chicken ineffectively,  based on an old standard.  In our own ministries we have to constantly evaluate why we do what we do.  Does it still work?  Does the group of kids I have respond to this?  Can my team buy in?  We must be wiling to shift and change our approach based on the team, parents and students we have NOW.

2. Keep growing and learning. Last week I had a conversation with a mentor who is “farther along” in ministry than I am.    He challenged me,  “Leneita when was the last time you went to a conference just to go.  Not where you are teaching,  but just to meet people and learn.”  In contrast I spoke with a 40 year vet last week who told me that conferences can’t really teach him anything anymore.  It is easy to become sucked into a myopic view of our  ministry.   There comes a point when it feels like there is “nothing new under the sun.”   That might be true,  yet we must recognize that the old dog sometimes needs to learn a new trick.   Perhaps a book or  event simply brings encouragement.  Mentors keep us accountable.  Growth keeps us humble.

3. Know when you are “called out.” There may come a point when the Lord is tugging at your heart to do “something else,” for and with him.  I once was told,  “It’s easy to hear the call into ministry, but too many times we ignore the Lord’s voice when he is calling us out.”  Be lead out before you are burnt out.   If you feel like your frustrations consistently outweigh your joys  in ministry it is time to seek Christ.  Does he need to readjust your heart?  Do you need to be doing “this” but somewhere else?  Does he have something entirely different for you to do?

4. Keep the Main thing, the Main thing. Yes a no brainer,  but I still think it is important to say.   We must avoid getting so caught up in the “polish” of ministry that we forget  “Who” wants our lives.

5. Redefine success. Too often we get to a certain “point” in ministry and we think that ministry should look a certain way.  I mean we have been doing this for X number of years so we should have something to show for it?   So what we do is try to reproduce models of ministry that we deem successful.  The Lord gave you a vision for the next generation.  We can take elements from other people- but we weren’t meant to mirror them.  The Lord gave  YOU a call.  When you are obedient to that out of a love for him,  that is success.

Finally,  I just want to say thanks.  The longer I stick it out as a “youth worker”  the less I have on this road that are ahead of me.  I heard the average  worker lasts about 18 months.   If you are veteran,  thanks.  I need some friends on the road with me.

What advice has helped you? 

Leneita

1. You are both “called.” I highly recommend having an honest heart to heart about this before the wedding bells ever ring.  Yet, if you have already “said the vows,” you need to sit and talk this concept through.   I am not suggesting that the church got a “two for the price of one,” deal.   You will need to figure out how you will each serve and support  the  other in the actual day-to-day tasks of “ministry.”  Instead, this is a philosophical view.   When you do not have a heart that is united in backing the  “calling” a rift happens in your marriage.  It does not belong to one or the other of you, because ministry is never just a “job.”

2. Learn to communicate. A mentor told me once, “Communication is not what you say,  it’s what the other person hears.”   I repeat this often to others.   This means that you as a couple need to make sure that you are learning to communicate about everything from boundaries, to schedules, to vision for your lives.   Make time DAILY to communicate with each other face to face.   Sit and really talk about everything, make sure the other person is hearing you.  Make sure you are listening to what your spouse is saying.  This does not mean merely sharing, facts, but ensuring there is mutual understanding and investment.

3. Make Jesus the Center. Of what you ask?  Yes.  Is the answer.   Be intentional to take the time to make Christ the focus of your personal life.  Then make sure you are taking the time intentionally make him the center of your marriage. Then make sure he is the center of your ministry.   Before anything you “do,” your relationship is most important.  We have all heard that the cord of three strands is not easily broken.  However, when we are not focusing on him to be that middle thread, we unravel.   We all “mean well,” to not be too busy or distracted.  However, Satan wants to render us ineffective.    He wants to devour our marriage and us.   Individually and together take the time to pray, read the Word and worship.  Do these things daily, make it part of your “schedule.”  Building your marriage on the rock and keeping it there, is what gets us through the storms of life.

Most importantly, don’t ever forget to enjoy each other!  The Lord gave you a traveling companion on this narrow road with him.   The road is rarely easy.  However, it is a joy to have someone to share it with.  Learn each other, take time to foster this relationship (deliberately) and just fall deeper in love every day.  You stood in front of each other on that wedding day and thought, “How could I possibly love them more?”  Then with each passing year you get to turn around and watch it grow deeper and richer.   This is regardless of your “ministry status.”

Leneita

So You’ve Just Gotten Married!!

Congratulations!!  Enjoy the honeymoon – your literal one…and the lingering one as you return from your trip and begin the joyous process of learning to live together and love one another.

While you’re doing that, be on the alert.  Because you’re in youth ministry, you won’t just be learning to navigate the toilet paper rolls and toothpaste tubes around your house!

1. Build some boundaries.  If you have been single in ministry, chances are your students and your church have become used to your availability.  And even if your spouse is ‘all in’ with the ministry, it’s important to incorporate some boundaries so you can enjoy learning to love one another and live together without the constant eye of ministry watching you.
2. Spend as much time pouring into your spouse as you do (and have) your ministry.  God has blessed you with a ministry partner – but has also given you a new ministry field!  (And it’s one where your example will speak volumes to your students.)  Invest in your spouse – she/he is your first ministry now.
3. Build relationships as a couple.  Youth ministry sucks a lot of attention and time.  It’s easy to throw yourselves into ministry with teenagers and never build friendships outside the youth ministry.  Consider getting involved in a couples small group or Bible study.  Your marriage will need identity (and friends) outside the youth ministry.

Enjoy being married!  God made you to serve Him together by serving one another first!

In the meantime, here’s a little about Darren: 

Darren has served in youth ministry for over 20 years.  He has a passion for students and the adults who influence them.  He co-founded Millennial Influence with his wife, Katie. Together, they produce a weekly podcast reaching parents of teenagers. Darren is a student pastor in Texas.

You can connect with him at:

www.everyonescalledtoyouthministry.com

www.facebook.com/darrenandkatiesutton

www.twitter.com/darrensutton

www.minfluence.com

First, it’s important to realize that youth ministry can be one of the most rewarding and exciting things to do! There are times when I pinch myself because I can’t believe I get paid to invest in students lives. However, having done this for a long time now, I have come to realize that the blessing of youth ministry can quickly feel like a curse if we do not build the right foundations as we start out…

Develop Healthy Spiritual Foundations Now: Starting out in our first ministry is exciting and daunting at the same time. It’s easy to get swept away in the ministry nuts and bolts and find yourself spiritually dry a year into things. Unfortunately, this can become the pattern for the rest of your ministry. Ensure that quiet times and bible study are the foundation to your ministry, not an add-on!

Determine To Be Teachable: I hate to even say this, but I meet so many young youth workers who think they know it all… (I was one of those youth workers a while back too…) A few years at college or a few years as an intern does not mean you have all the answers or have figured how the church needs to change for the better. One of the best qualities of any youth worker is the ability to always remain teachable and realize there is always more to learn. Even after nearly two decades in youth ministry, I realize I still have so much to learn… Unfortunately, I see many young youth workers constantly asserting their new-found knowledge in unhealthy ways in order to gain quick influence in their churches. Unfortunately, much of the time they come across as the arrogant “know it all” and actually don’t gain the influence they were hoping for…

Discover The Art Of Listening: This goes along with being teachable, but is more specific for the church and the students you work with. Every church is different and every youth ministry has its own flavor and feel. It’s imperative that we learn to listen to the people first to understand their heart, their dreams, and their struggles. Too often it’s easy to take our ideas and agendas into a new church without considering whether they will fit within the culture. Listen to the people, pray for a plan, and THEN implement ideas. It is when we LISTEN that we will gain influence in our churches… 

Don’t Be Surprised When You Face Challenges: One of the biggest surprises I see new youth workers facing is just how challenging youth ministry can be. As a student it looked easy, as a volunteer it looked fun and rewarding, but being in charge is not always the case… Working with students and families will always be messy, challenging, and sometimes very frustrating. However, our dependence on God and our hard work partnering with Him will bring great reward too.

Depend On Mentors And Ministry Friends: This is essential! There will be those challenging times when we need the support and encouragement. If you do not have a mentor and do not have a network of ministry friends, it’s going to be harder to do life and ministry alone. I have had a mentor for nearly 10 years now who himself has been in full-time ministry for nearly 30 years. He is not at my church but does understand ministry well. I have shared my most exciting and my most challenging times with him. His outside perspective and his wisdom has been a game changer for me! Make it a priority to surround yourself with a healthy support team!

Don’t Do Lock-Ins! They Might Just Finish You Off! Just kidding… but, I think there are some of you who might agree with this statement!

What would you add to this list? What is essential for a new youth worker to know? What advice would you give? 

Phil <><

What advice would you give someone who is looking to pursue a career in youth ministry? Here’s what I started with: 

1) PRAY, PRAY, PRAY: This should be a given! But, do you know how many young people I have spoken to who want to go into ministry because it looked fun? It’s so important that we help students to see that youth ministry is a calling and should not be taken lightly. I believe there are great deal of youth workers who burn out early because it simply was not their calling, or they did not take the time to prepare for it…

2) Get Involved In A Local Youth Ministry While At College: “School is very important, but it is essential that you get 3-4 years as a volunteer / intern under your belt before you set off into full-time ministry. You will be able to see the good, the bad, and the indifferent as you work in the trenches. It will also allow you discover and develop your strengths, as well as face your weaknesses. Learning these lessons in the relative safety of a volunteer position or internship is a whole lot less painful than being the paid guy or gal…”

3) Get Involved In A GOOD Youth Ministry While At College: “Take your time selecting a youth ministry to work with. Take a close look at the youth pastor / youth director and ask others about their reputation? Do they invest in people well? Are they organized? Are they someone to model your future ministry on?” 

4) Find A Youth Ministry Mentor: ”Whether it’s your youth pastor or a fantastic volunteer, find someone who can connect with you regular as you navigate through college and towards a full-time position. It’s important to allow a “been there and done it” person to give you insight, advice, and encouragement…”

5) Plan For The Journey: As simple as this may be, it’s important that you plan a strategic course to get through college while also trying to ensure that you take the best program and classes within that program. Don’t just go to a college your friends are attending!

6) Talk To Others Who Have Recently Graduated With A Youth Ministry Degree: ”Ask recent grads their experiences. Ask them about their program. What did it lack? What was best? What would you do differently? It’s amazing how much insight you will find from someone who has recently graduated. Perhaps the crucial conversations are with the ones who one year into their full-time job. It is then that they realize how well equipped they are…”

What else would you add to this list? What advice have you given a student who is interested in pursuing youth ministry full-time?

Phil <><

“Sometimes, even though you may be the most skilled person at completing a task, it does not mean you should be the one to do it”.

Nine years after a mentor shared theses words with me, they still serve as the most powerful ministry lesson I have ever received.  When he spoke them I was working for a grassroots urban youth ministry that was understaffed and overworked (aren’t we all?).  We all had way too much on our plates, and the concept of delegation seemed as real to us all as winning the lottery…it just could not happen.  As I whined and moaned about our lack of staff and volunteers he called me out on what the issue truly was.  There were other people I could delegate to.  I just did not believe that anyone could do the job as well as I could.  As we continued to talk, he brought me to the realization that in order for me to be more effective in my primary responsibilities, I had to be willing to let someone else do work that I was more qualified to complete.  Sometimes, in order to accomplish our goals, I had to subdue my control freak and share the work. No, the task may take the other person more time to get it right, but it would get done.

I recognize that lack of help is one of the three problems we all face in youth ministry (behind lack of money and finding really good games that involve duct tape and Ovaltine). However, I think if you truly think about it, you have people who are willing to jump in and help.  Maybe instead of crowd control and consuming inedible foods they could help carry more of the load.

Now I get it. This youth group is your baby.  God has given you a calling and vision for these kids and this program. It has to be done right. However,  hasn’t He also called your volunteers to the same things? And if that’s the case, shouldn’t you give them something significant to do?

But where do you start? How can you be sure that they are ready to take over the things that you “are most qualified to do”?  It really is simple.  I have found it comes down to three steps:

1. Communicate clearly. Tell them what needs to be done, and your expectations for how it should be done. It is okay to have expectations of your volunteers, so they can do it well.  If you have ever sent your children up to clean there rooms without explaining what that means, you know what I am talking about – everything just gets stuffed in the closet or under the bed.  Let them know what the job looks like when it is done.
2. Do it with them the first time or two so they can see it done correctly. Before you were good at the task, you probably had someone walk you through how to do it at least once.  Don’t ever give someone a job and just push them out the door to do it.  Take the extra time to guide them.  A little time up front will save you a lot of time down the road.
3. Hold them accountable.  I realize that this seems like a taboo idea when it comes to volunteers, but if people aren’t held accountable to deadlines and outcomes, then they either won’t get done or they won’t get done correctly.  If a person has bought into your vision, and you approach them with gentleness, they will not mind being held accountable for their work.

Once you have done this, sit back and trust them. Will they do it as well as you?  Maybe…maybe not.  But you are now freed up to do the more important tasks in your day, and your volunteer feels empowered and trusted.

Are you holding onto tasks you could get rid of? Who could you delegate them to? Take some time to answer these questions. I promise it will be worth your time.

At first glance the article seemed amazing…   I opened it expectantly as it addressed a topic so close to my heart: Girls understanding their identity in Christ.   It began well with the realization that just “telling”  a  teen girl  that they are “pretty” enough will not solve the problem.  Yet, as I read on my frustrations rose.

If I share the piece you will most likely wonder what I am getting so uptight about.  It made great points about how the issue is that young women today need to see themselves through the eyes of Christ.  The “dilemma” is that we are looking at ourselves at all.  All eyes should be on Jesus and Jesus alone.  Again these are great points.

Here is what frustrated me.  It was one more piece about  “what” should happen.   In the end there was not answer to “how,” to help this generation with this quandary. I am tired of reading articles on “what” is wrong with no answer on how to help.   We have come to believe that if we merely talk about the problem then that brings about a solution.

We have come to believe there are certain problems that “just won’t” go away.  That means we should just talk about it. So we hold a sermon series, small group discussions or have a passing conversation on these “hard hitting topics,”  (like self-image.) Then we move on to the next one.  All the while our kids remain in a place of hurting or apathy.   We want to see them change, but we don’t know how to “make” it happen.  That is why we write posts about the problems and solutions with no answers.  In my opinion we need to stop this cycle and start addressing what we “can” do more than what we “can’t.”  Stop writing out hopeful words and start explaining what we can do.

So how do we deal with these tough topics?

1.     Identify the “circular” topics for the youth in YOUR ministry: In my group of kids bullying currently is not what they are grappling with most.  However, I do have a group of kids who firmly believe that they will “grow up to be nothing.”   They want to go to college but don’t think it will happen for them.   Me telling them they shouldn’t have this sense of hopelessness, to just look to the Lord, doesn’t make it go away.   There are some topics that are deep issues of the heart.  They don’t “go away,”  instead they keep resurfacing.  What are these for your group?

2.     Don’t Be Afraid To Take the Time It Needs: Wouldn’t we all love to give that “talk” on bullying or identity or cutting and the problem is solved?  There are subjects that scare us youth workers. The deeper we travel the rabbit hole of these sticky “matters” the darker it seems to get.   One talk,  sermon series, conversation,  or discussion will not absolve it.  These challenges have many layers.  We must be willing to take the time to peel back each one individually.  This will get messy.  This will feel unpleasant.  This will take a lot of time.  We need to be willing to “go there.”

3.     Plan an attack: Me telling my student’s God has a purpose and a plan for them just feels like a nice idea.  They know they should believe it to be true, they hear me say it ALL THE TIME.   Yet, it hasn’t taken root in their soul and heart quite yet.  This means  I have to purposely battle this issue with them. We will approach it from different perspectives.  They need to know “How” to deal with this multi-tiered struggle.   There will need to be journaling, conversations, talks, and object lessons on everything from how to do well in school to how to combat hopelessness.  Each layer needs to be blown up systematically as they learn to rest in the Lord’s arms.

The answer is always Jesus.  Most of us,  even our students recognize this is a “no brainer.”    Yet, I am learning that knowing it is true and living it out are two different things.   We all want our students to take this world back for the Lord, I think it starts with giving them tools to know how.

Today I am excited to announce two new contributors to this youth ministry blog! Here’s some info about them:

John and Leneita Fix have been in some form of youth ministry for almost 20 years. In the early years John volunteered and spent his days as a High School science teacher,  while Leneita was the one considered “full time.”  That all changed about 16 years ago when they both came on staff with an urban youth ministry.  They have always approached ministry with a shared vision to see the next generation grow from survival to thriving in Christ.  With the changing landscape of “urban” ministry their heart is for unchurched families.  Together they bring a unique perspective of ministering in  a variety of  settings   from running ministries,  to programming,  teaching,  speaking and simply enjoying their marriage while raising 4  children.  All the while they do this by living in the inner city learning to be a neighbor to those who are there with them.