Archive - Relational Youth Ministry RSS Feed

Transitions In Youth Ministry: Part 2 – The Comparison Game

February 8, 2012 in Balance, healthy ministry, Leadership, Relational Youth Ministry with 2 Comments

In my previous post, I talked about the importance of building healthy foundations when transitioning into a new ministry. Today I would like to talk about a potential danger that new and transitioning youth workers can easily struggle with:

PLAYING THE COMPARISON GAME: So often students, parents, and leaders are hurting from the loss of the previous youth worker that they will naturally compare us with the previous person. The LAST thing we should be doing is joining in to play the comparison game too! It can become a dangerous and unhealthy foundation to build in our first year. Here’s what the comparison game can cause us to do:

  • We change who we are to keep others happy while we are not fulfilled ourselves…
  • We become defensive when we are compared to the last person and end up “bashing” the guy or gal before us…
  • We change our vision and priorities to keep others happy and continue what others thought was successful…
  • We can become frustrated when we change who we become frustrated in working toward a vision that is not ours…

THE REALITY OF THE COMPARISON GAME: Let’s be honest, every good youth worker should be creating a strong connection with their students, leaders, and parents. Therefore, we need to expect that people will have a natural tendency to miss the previous person and talk about them a great deal. Often a comparison statement is communicating “I miss the previous person, and you are not him or her.” This is natural and normal, but it’s important that we fight the urge to change who we are or take it too personally when we are compared…

HOW TO WIN THE COMPARISON GAME:  Continue Reading…

Transitions In Youth Ministry Part 1: Healthy Foundations

February 7, 2012 in Balance, healthy ministry, Leadership, Relational Youth Ministry with 9 Comments

Transitioning into a new youth ministry, or your first ministry can be very challenging! A good start (or a poor start), makes all the difference. But what are some of the keys to making a good transition into a new youth ministry? There are many, but here are the ones I have found to be paramount in making a good transition:

LISTEN FIRST: A commitment I have made in my last two positions was to move slowly and take time to understand the people and programs first. In my opinion, we should be committed to not making any major changes in the first year, (only tweaking what has been done in the past). This is easier said than done, but it’s important to glean important insights, learn good lessons, and most importantly build trust with leaders, students, and parents.

RELATIONSHIPS: No matter what happens in our first year, we cannot forget that relationships are at the core of everything we should be doing. In a new position it’s so easy to get task focused, but we cannot get too busy to build relationships…  After the first year it will be solid relationships that will make you and your students want to achieve greater things together…  Continue Reading…

Dealing with Tough Stuff

January 18, 2012 in Leadership, Relational Youth Ministry, Urban Youth Ministry with 3 Comments

At first glance the article seemed amazing…   I opened it expectantly as it addressed a topic so close to my heart: Girls understanding their identity in Christ.   It began well with the realization that just “telling”  a  teen girl  that they are “pretty” enough will not solve the problem.  Yet, as I read on my frustrations rose.

If I share the piece you will most likely wonder what I am getting so uptight about.  It made great points about how the issue is that young women today need to see themselves through the eyes of Christ.  The “dilemma” is that we are looking at ourselves at all.  All eyes should be on Jesus and Jesus alone.  Again these are great points.

Here is what frustrated me.  It was one more piece about  “what” should happen.   In the end there was not answer to “how,” to help this generation with this quandary. I am tired of reading articles on “what” is wrong with no answer on how to help.   We have come to believe that if we merely talk about the problem then that brings about a solution.

We have come to believe there are certain problems that “just won’t” go away.  That means we should just talk about it. So we hold a sermon series, small group discussions or have a passing conversation on these “hard hitting topics,”  (like self-image.) Then we move on to the next one.  All the while our kids remain in a place of hurting or apathy.   We want to see them change, but we don’t know how to “make” it happen.  That is why we write posts about the problems and solutions with no answers.  In my opinion we need to stop this cycle and start addressing what we “can” do more than what we “can’t.”  Stop writing out hopeful words and start explaining what we can do.

So how do we deal with these tough topics? Continue Reading…

A Helpful Reality for Youth Workers to Understand

November 8, 2011 in healthy ministry, Relational Youth Ministry, Volunteers with 0 Comments

Have you watched those newscasts where someone who has been saved gets to be reunited with the person or persons who saved them? The TV crews somehow manage to capture that moment, hours, days, or weeks after the saving event took place. The saved person gets to tearfully express their sincere thanks to the one who saved them. During the saving event however, there is much going on as emergency crews frantically work to revive someone or get them to safety. There is usually not a good opportunity at the time to express thanks…

In some ways, this is a reality for us in youth ministry. Hold on for a moment and let me explain… Our students are walking through a time of life where they are navigating through challenging decisions, painful consequences, and times of extreme anxiety. Yes, there are many laughs and smiles and many hilarious moments we share with them, but we can’t forget that students are in the middle of one of the most challenging times of life. They are moving from being concrete thinkers where they saw the world as a simple place, to abstract abstract thinkers who see the complexity in life and the reality of the challenges. They see the complexity of relationships and they are pained by the messiness of broken marriages and friendships that once looked simple from the outside. They feel the need to succeed in a world that is more competitiveness than ever, and a world that is less forgiving than ever… It’s these storms of life that every teenager has to navigate through and we are the ones who partner with parents and come into students lives to support, encourage, and equip them as they get tossed and battered by the winds and waves of adolescence…

In some sense, we as youth workers, are the emergency crew who come in just at the right time to help these students pull through and get to the other side of their adolescent journey. During this time, there is much going on, and much drama, and confusion as they face one issue from another. As teenagers they are also fully consumed with who they are and are trying to discover their unique identity and purpose in this journey through life.

The Helpful Reality for Youth Workers

As someone who has been working with students for a long time, I have noted that students will rarely thank us fully during their time of struggle or during their time in my youth ministries. They either forget to thank us, or are too consumed with teenage survival to realize who is helping them in that moment… It’s not to say that we don’t get some “thank you” moments. But, it’s important to realize that students don’t mean anything by it, they just don’t consider it fully at the time. Just like the person who is being pulled out of the water by life guards and being rushed to the hospital, these students are crisis mode as they navigate through the dangers and new realities of young adulthood.

If we are in youth ministry looking for affirmation from students and receiving continuous thanks for our efforts, we could become disappointed very quickly… It is usually way after they graduation that I begin to hear back from students and get hear their stories of young adulthood. It is often these times when I hear of an action or a conversation that the student remembers which made all the difference to them. It is then I am reminded that what I do is worth it… 

Today, as you minister to students, realize that they might not thank you for it at that moment, but like that person who has been saved from the treacherous seas, they will often seek you out later on to express their sincere thanks. Don’t be holding onto affirmation from them today as you might become disappointed and despondent that your efforts are meaningless… But do know, that you ARE making the difference!

For now, I want to say thank you to you! Thank you for ministering to students and investing in their lives. Thank you for giving up your time, talent, and treasure to make an eternal impact. One day you and I will have a joyful reunion with our students in Heaven and will have many incredible stories to share. Be a part of those stories today and don’t give up. Your reward is in Heaven and your thanks will be given in full…

Phil <><

Are Kids Fighting to Come To Youth Group?

November 2, 2011 in healthy ministry, Leadership, messages, Relational Youth Ministry, Volunteers with 2 Comments

I’ll never forget my friend Rick telling me about the night students were “fighting” to come to his midweek program! One evening, just before youth group started, he looked outside to see more students than he had ever seen at his church. He quickly thanked God for the gigantic turn-out and then went outside to greet many new faces… That’s when he discovered the sobering reality: One of his students was in conflict with another student at their local high school, and both had shown up to his youth group to “settle the matter”. Apparently a large number of students had come to watch the main event too!  Rick tells of how he “settled the matter” with the students in a more Christian way, but yet many of the students stayed for youth group.

As I talked to him about this incident, I will never forget thinking this: How can we get that many students to passionately show up for youth group and bring their friends every week? (Without the fights of course).

In the first few months of the Fall we have seen a big jump in numbers and have actually struggled to keep up with much of the growth we are seeing. If I am honest, I can point to some factors that have helped us grow numerically, but I don’t know that I am wise enough understand the full picture. However, below I  mention what I consider to be the greatest factors that have helped us grow in depth and numbers. Caution: This has taken nearly two years of prayer and hard work and there has been no quick fix to create growth…

Pray Earnestly! I know this should be a given, but it’s easy to get into the habit of depending on our skills and programs and forget to partner with the Holy Spirit. We cannot expect great things to happen unless we are depending on the One who is able to do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine.

Fixate On Healthy Community: When I use the word “fixate”, I really mean that! Our students will tell you how much we have talked about, taught them, and created activities to build healthy community. We have students from over five different school systems and it is easy to have pockets of students who never get to know each other. If we don’t fixate on building healthy community we will default back for comfort and cliques. Therefore, it’s been imperative to create ice-breakers and activities that get new and established students talking, laughing, and working together. Students begin to realize that they have so much in common with people they did not know before. This in itself helps them to belong!

Listen and Give Ownership: Every year we survey our students to gain insights in a number of ways. It’s imperative that we listen to them! One question we ask them is, “What issues or struggles are students facing that we could talk about and help with?” From this question and ongoing conversations with our students, we gain incredible insights to their world as well as their spiritual and emotional needs. When we create a message series based on these needs you can bet they will show up! Next month we will also being doing a video series called “Slice of Life” where I video interview students about their faith, their struggles, and how God has helped them. We did this series last year and it had a huge impact. It all came from an idea one student gave us… Students show up when their questions are answered, their hurts are healed, and their ideas become reality…

Note: Obviously, we create messages and Bible studies based on what we know they need too. We can’t only respond to their felt needs. There has to be a good balance on “fire-fighting” the issues while also teaching many foundational “fire preventing” topics.

Invested Leaders: In my usual month I have many meetings and conversations with my youth leaders. In fact, I would say that my contact time with leaders has recently been higher than my contact time with students. It’s imperative that I realize how my investment in caring adults will pay off in the way they invest in students lives. I can either choose to be a shallow hero to every student, or I can choose to equip my leaders to become the fully invested youth leaders who make a greater difference on student at a time. Students will show up week after week when they know that a caring adult will be there to listen to their heart, celebrate life with them, and challenge them to grow spiritually.

There are many things I can add to this list, but I feel these are the “big ones” that have impacted our ministry over the last couple of years. What is working for you? What are you working towards? How are you helping students to fight to come to youth group?

Phil <><

 

GUEST POST: Help for Hurting Teenagers – By Leneita Fix

October 25, 2011 in Relational Youth Ministry with 0 Comments

 

On the fringes of youth ministry lurks an evil monster.  It seems to rear it’s ugly head often.  No matter how we run, or hide it is chasing our students and their families.  Really, hunting them down.

The name of the hideous creature?

Despair.

We could also call him:  hurt, suffering, hopelessness or even depression.

In the last couple of weeks I have heard a youth pastor almost daily announce that they are connected to a suicide in their youth programming.   There have been parents, teens, brothers, sisters and even one attempt among them while the youth group was away on a retreat.

Others are talking to adolescents who mask their problems with alcohol.  Some kids are covering with drugs,  perfectionism,  anger,  or acting out in a multitude of ways. We are finding that filling space in these student’s  lives with “something to do,” is simply not enough.  They are searching for more.   Hope.  Truth.  Love.  Acceptance.

Instilling life into the heart of a youth takes,  time, energy and focus.   There are days when the lives of our students just seem so heavy.  I believe that we turn to what we know.   I mean when we lead a great evening or event there are ways to know that as a youth person we have “done a good job.”   In the midst of all the weight we are left feeling helpless.  What do we do?

1.  Build relationships:   I heard it said once that a “touch is worth a 1000 words.” In  a world of facebook and twitter we can easily hide and pretend to be anything we want to be.  HOWEVER,    all of us,  especially teens are hungering for deep,  authentic relationships.  You will only be able to have time really going deep with maybe 3-5 students.  Set up systems that create relationships among students and  the adults on your team.

2.   Include and Involve the Parents:  One of the first things we  as the youth worker want to do is to “save children from their bad home life.”   However,  getting to know a family and their situation just may save a life.  I recently, got to observe a youth pastor friend of mine at dinner with a family and their teen son.   The love and comfort he showed, created an open dialogue in sharing life, problems, help and solutions.  This goes beyond  offering “classes or meetings” for parents.  Genuinely get to know the families.

3.   Train and Equip:  Bring your team together to talk about all of the “sidebar” issues in the lives of your youth.    Let’s face it,  we can find a book on programming or how to run a Bible Study.   All the “hard stuff”  our teens are going through is intimidating.  Find videos to watch,  books to read together and  experts to bring in.   The more involved you are as a unit,   the more the paid “staff”  will not feel alone in handling the  “tough stuff.”

4.  Know when to ask for professional help:  We are called to walk life with students.  However, some problems simply are too big for us.  There may need to be a counselor or agency brought in to aid in the situation.  This does not mean they take over.  We still need to stick around,  yet,   there are spaces where the professionals know how to take the monsters down fully.

The beasts of  burden seem to be growing in our youth programs.  Let’s face it the sword of the truth is the only thing that can bring freedom once and for all.  Sometimes we need to look a youth in the face and simply let them know the truth:  “They are loved with an everlasting love.”   Not just once.  Over and over.   Together I think we can slay this dragon.

For more help knowing how to handle these situations check out the Life Hurts, God Heals deeper learning track  at the upcoming Simply Youth Ministry Conference. 

Leneita Fix is the founder and lead consultant for Blue Sky/Green Sky Consulting whose heart is :  ”Passionate about developing and training youth-oriented programs that are looking to take a generation from surviving to thriving in Christ.  In 2012 she will reach the 20 year mark of experience in youth ministry, suburban, urban and rural.  Most of her time has been spent in the urban community,  living as a neighbor to those around her. http://www.blueskygreensky.com/

 

 

 

GUEST POST: Partnering With Unchurched Parents – Leneita Fix

September 13, 2011 in Parents, Relational Youth Ministry with 4 Comments

I still remember the day the Lord put it on my heart.   Totally my attitude had become to believe that the parents who were “churched” could be held to a higher expectation than the “unchurched.”  I mean most of these “heathen” adults were broken individuals who didn’t even have a relationship with Christ.  How could I expect them to show up to a parent meeting?  Much less how could I ask them to invest in the spiritual development of their children?  Did they even know what that meant?

Then one day the Lord showed me a passage in HIS WORD.  All right it was really two passages.  The same words spoken twice, through the mouth of the Lord.  Once it came from an Old Testament prophet and then again through Jesus.  Both described the effect of understanding Christ- “His preaching will turn the hearts of fathers to their children, and the hearts of children to their fathers.”   My judgments began to unravel.

In the Garden,  BEFORE the fall- man and woman were told to be fruitful and multiply.  The intention was two parents and children.  After the fall, the Lord knew this had been cracked and separated.  In our relationship with a living God, he longs for restoration.  Part of that process is the family unit.

Now in practicality we can’t DO anything to make this happen.  I can’t cause a wandering father to return home.  With 3 million grandparents in the US raising their grandchildren I can’t cause the parents to take responsibility.  With divorce and death and a variety of familial situations I can’t make any changes.

HOWEVER, I can start with an attitude of seeing the parents the way that Christ does,  no matter who they are.  It begins with respect and honor.    When Jesus looks at us he doesn’t focus on our sin or our wrong doings.  Instead he sees us the way his Creation was intended.   He sees us as redeemed.  His heart yearns for us to be whole and walk fully in his ways.  We begin with looking at parents the same way.

In her next post, Leneita shares practical in Getting Unchurched Parents to Show Up to Meetings and building authentic relationships that build bridges to restoration…

Leneita Fix is the founder and lead consultant for Blue Sky/Green Sky Consulting whose heart is :  ”Passionate about developing and training youth-oriented programs that are looking to take a generation from surviving to thriving in Christ.  In 2012 she will reach the 20 year mark of experience in youth ministry, suburban, urban and rural.  Most of her time has been spent in the urban community,  living as a neighbor to those around her. http://www.blueskygreensky.com/

My New Favorite Youth Ministry App

August 16, 2011 in Relational Youth Ministry with 6 Comments

OK, well it’s not specifically a youth ministry app, but it certainly is a brilliant app to communicate care for students and leaders… This is an app that a bunch of my YM friends have been using to great effect…

Postagram is a fabulous yet simple app that can use photos from your phone, (iPhone or Android), or Facebook. Simply upload a photo, add a message, add an address, and postagram will send it to the person of your choice. It even shows up in a cool looking folder thingy…

Here’s some ways you could use it:

1) Photograph Students on an Event: After the event, send it to them and let them know how much you enjoyed seeing them there!

2) Take a ‘Sad Face’ Pic of Yourself: Send it to a student who has been missing for a couple of weeks. Let them know you miss them.

3) Take Photos of Things That Remind You of Your Students / Leaders: For example, you might be a store and see a goofy looking photo or object. It could be fun to take a pic of it and send the pic with a note to a leader and let them know how you appreciate their goofiness. Or simply, “I saw this today and thought of you…”

4) Take A Group Shot and Send It To Everyone: This could get costly, but how awesome could it be to send a photo in the mail just a few days after the event or retreat?

You might be thinking: “I already do this on facebook and twitter, why would I want to do this as well”?

My Simple Answer: Students LOVE mail! Going the extra mile to send them a nice picture in the mail with a caption or comment will go a long way to communicate care and investment in their lives. Sometimes it is the extra mile type stuff that makes all the difference!

What apps are you using that make ministry more effective, efficient, and meaningful? I would love to know. In fact, if you would like to guest blog about an app you are using for ministry, I would love to hear from you. Contact me through my contact page… 

Phil <><

Youth Ministry Myths – Part 1: You Need An Incredible Facility

August 9, 2011 in healthy ministry, Relational Youth Ministry with 7 Comments

Today I begin a series of posts about youth ministry myths, their connotations, and the solutions to the myths. So, here we go…

Youth Ministry Myth Number One:  You need an incredible facility to minister effectively… 

In the time I have been in youth ministry, I find this myth to be one of the most distracting myths out there. Let’s be honest, we’ve all been to churches which have  brilliant youth facilities. If you are like me, you have often thought something like, “if only we had a great youth facility like this, we could do some incredible ministry”. However, as someone who has been a part of  a church plant with no facilities, I have discovered that healthy youth ministry is not dependent on an incredible youth room. Here’s a snapshot of some of the places I have done ministry:

  • The Basement of a Home: When I began at a church plant, we had 10 students, 3 leaders and a small basement. We grew to over 100 students in 3 years… Here’s some places we grew into…
  • Coffee Houses: I have seen some of the most relaxed and God inspired conversations happen in places where students feel comfortable. Coffee houses can be incredible places for God to move
  • Old Churches (I mean really old): I never thought that an old Salvation Army building could be transformed into youth room. (We had to set up and tear down twice a week with sound systems, lights and other equipment). It was incredible! Students were on a mission every week to make relationships the key focus. The sense of accomplishment was fantastic!
  • Parks: Some of the best outreach events have been at BBQ’s in the park. Simple, low cost, a loads to do!
  • Warehouse: My current church rents a warehouse for our student ministry. I’ll be honest, it’s a pretty sweet building and we have done a lot of work inside to make it student friendly. However, it is not attached to main campus of the church and can be challenging sometimes to direct students there. Nonetheless, we have seen some incredible growth and depth happen there.

With all this said, I want to make a bold statement: The less we focus on facilities, the greater our youth ministries can flourish!

Why? Here’s a few reasons:

1) We Can Focus More on Students: When we get focused on spaces, we forget to focus on the faces. The blessing of not having a dedicated space or not having an incredible youth room means we can actually invest more in students. In my last church, I had no full-time building to use until my last 6 months there. I found that I spent more time investing in students and less time managing a building or facility. As soon as we got into a building, it became the focus, not the students.

2) Students Can Focus More On Each Other: The same principle applies as above. In many youth rooms I have been in,  it’s easy to spend great amounts of money and time creating a space with video games, game rooms, ping pong tables, air hockey, etc etc. However, some of the best ministry happens when students don’t have these options and we are forced to engage each other. Programmatically, we are forced to create ice-breakers and connection games where students build community in some great ways. I know it can be awkward, but in the long-term, the pay-offs are huge.

3) It Can Involve Students More: Being in a church plant for nearly 4 years taught me a valuable lesson in ownership. You see, having no dedicated space meant that we had to set up and tear down every week. This included students in the process and meant that more of them were involved in key roles. If you don’t have a great facility, consider how students can be a part of the solution, and watch how they build community in the process.

4) It’s Not About Buildings… It’s About Students: I know, I know… We all know this right? But do we really? Take some time to take a gut check. Are we spending too much time wishing our facility was better? Are we looking at other churches thinking that their facility would solve our problems? Are we caught up in the myth of thinking that we need a great facility to do great ministry? Are our students losing our focus in favor of our facilities?

Phil <><

 

 

8 Reasons Why My Second Office is Starbucks

June 3, 2011 in Balance, healthy ministry, messages, planning, Relational Youth Ministry, Volunteers with 2 Comments

If you follow me on twitter or foursquare, you will regularly see me checking-in at my local Starbucks or a similar coffee house. Recently a lot of youth ministry friends have suggested that I have a coffee addiction and need serious help. Often my reply is, “we are in youth ministry… we all need help”.

Before I go on, it’s important to point out that I do spend a good amount of time in my office at church, and I love working with a great team of people. It’s also imperative that I spend a good amount of time in the office to stay connected and communicate what is happening in my ministry while also hearing about others ministry areas. But, for now, let me share 8 good reasons for why I think it’s also important for me to spend time working at Starbucks too… Continue Reading…

Page 1 of 212»
SEO Powered by Platinum SEO from Techblissonline