youthwork TALKTalk about youth ministry and life…

Once any of us have been in a church for more than a year it becomes very apparent that the honeymoon is well and truly over. People are starting to discover that we have faults and failings. We’ve already stained the new carpet with paintball. Or we might have shown a video clip in church that had a cuss word in it. (Actually, I have never done that… I have tended to leave that to my lead pastor… he’s done that twice)!

The fact is, give it time and people get to see that you are not one of the Apostles and that you don’t stay awake 24 hours a day, and that you are not the answer they were looking for in a youthworker. It’s in these situations that you and I need to build what I call a ‘youth ministry fan base’.

A fan base is not an ego boost… The fan base are the people who have your back, who know you, who understand you vision, who see you and accept you for who you are. Our fan base will not only keep us encouraged, but will also keep us in healthy accountability. The fan base are the ones who speak for you at a church meeting or when a parent is concerned about you and their kids. The fan base can be the difference between short-lived ministry and a healthy long one. So how do I work on my ‘fan base’

1) Invest in the Leaders. Choose 4 or 5 influential people at your church, (in leadership or simply influential). Take them out for coffee and find out about them, ask them about their hopes and dreams for the church. Ask them how someone like you and I could do well there. Then, at the end of your time together, ask them if you can share your vision and dreams … (You will be surprised how your vision might be restated by someone like this at opportune time).

2) Invest in Parents. Parents need to be heard and need to know that we care. They need to know that we are reaffirming what they say at home to their kids. They only know we care if  we take time out. On a typical evening you will see that I spend 50% of my time talking to parents at the end of the program. These conversations are valuable to understand families and their dynamics, but also to build trust with parents. Here’s the other upside… some of those parents become your leaders, event planners, and food providers too. Hopefully, they are blessed, but so are our ministries.

3) Invest through the Generations. At my last church we had quite a large number of shall we say, ‘older folks’ who seemed to struggle with teenagers. (I am sure your church has similar issues). However, I quickly learned that it was important to seek out a few influential pensioners who could become ‘youth ministry fans’. It was just a question of taking time to talk with them about what the students were up to and what issues these kids face today. It’s amazing to see the walls come down when you share stories of kids joys and challenges to older folks. You see, it’s a lot harder to judge when you heart is hurting for kids…

4) The ‘Up Front’ Strategy. Work with you pastor and leadership to be ‘up front’ as often as your schedule allows, even if it is for the announcements on Sunday, or helping with a kids message. Whatever way you can, it pays to let people see you. At my current church I preach every couple of months, (it used to be every 5-6 weeks), and I regularly do announcements. Even if I am not doing either, you will always see me on the door greeting people as they leave. Even if I don’t feel like I know everyone, I have found that people feel connected with me because I am up front a quite a lot. When people feel like they know you, it’s harder for them to be a critic. Be strategic about being up front. 

More ‘Fan Base’ Ideas to come…

Phil <><

Yesterday I talked about how easy it is to focus on how far we have to go instead of how far we have come in our ministries. It’s important that we understand and embrace the simple truth: 

It takes TIME! 

Today I want to add another dimension as to why we should expect it to take time. This understanding will also help us in our ministry plans and strategies…

It takes TIME: 

To understand the Culture: Now, I am not talking about youth culture, I am talking about the culture of the church we are presently serving at. It takes time to know and understand how the church runs, the people of influence, the history of successes, and the history of failure. Just like any kind of culture, it’s important to understand the ideas and values of people at our churches. This takes time…

It’s very tempting to come into a church with a ministry mindset and plan and not consider the culture of the church. I believe missing this principle can make or break the health and success of a youth ministry. It is imperative that we acknowledge and understand the culture of the church and people we serve, instead of coming in with a plan and going straight to work. 

Instead, initially, it is helpful to build on something that is existing and have some ‘visual successes’ that will build some excitement and investment from students, parents and leaders. However, this is a learning time for us to do some good things, but at the same time be working hard to understand the culture. Combine this with building trust by not changing too much at once, I believe this is a great time to build relationships and build a vault of culture understanding. This could make the difference.

When we have taken time to understand the culture, it helps us to: 

1) Predict challenges of change and address them before you get there. 

2) Select key people to carry a new vision. 

3) Understand how slow/fast to move on certain ideas. 

4) Keep our job? Yes, as crazy as it sounds. I have heard too many stories of youthworkers who have taken a great ministry plan into a church, but never succeeded because they did not listen to the culture first. I have heard of some youthworkers who go into a church and start with a clean slate and change everything.  But, I believe this can only be done when the majority of people are ready for massive change. I have heard of this done only in a few situations. 

Bottom line: It takes TIME to understand the culture of the church… It is important to understand it before we try to change it…

In the last few weeks I have been looking back and assessing our last year in youth ministry and looking forward and setting goals. It’s great to see how  many new students we have reached and how many students have taken deeper steps in faith and service… Sound good? Can I be honest just for a minute? 

I wonder if you are like me when it comes to these times of year? It’s easy to catch myself looking at what we have done, but still wishing we were further ahead… It’s easy to take side glances at other ministries and feel insufficiant because we are not able to do all they are doing… In quick moments, (only quick moments I am glad to say), it is easy to forget all the great things that God has given us, and focus on the areas of our ministry that could be doing better. 

It’s in these moments you and I need to understand and embrace this fact: 

It takes TIME…

To Build Trust: With the students you work with, the parents you partner with, and the leaders who lead with you. Even if you have come into a healthy sitution, people still need time to know who you are and what you stand for. If you are coming into a challenging environment it takes longer to build trust and our steps must be lighter. 

It takes TIME

To Bring Clarity to the Vision: The reality is this: Even if we had a great plan and purpose in our last church, it might not work in the new place. Even if we feel like our plan is solid and easy to understand, we can’t assume that students, parents, and leaders are on board even after a couple of years. I believe that clarity comes easier when people have heard and seen a plan in action for at least a couple of years… Therefore, if you are building a ministry and adding components as you go, people might not yet have clarity since you are still building…

It takes TIME

To develop Leaders: It’s only after a few years that you can see the fruit of  the investment of meeting with leaders and training them for ministry. It takes time to see which leaders are in for the long haul and who you can depend on to be your key players. In my ministry, I ask for a high level of committment and I have some incredible leaders. But, the truth is, it had takes time to get leaders to be self sufficient and have good chemistry with my vision and direction. This takes lots of coffee meetings, lunches, hang out times and training days.  

It takes TIME

To build Relationships: We live in a shallow world where students ‘don’t care what you know, until they know that you care’. (I am sure you have heard that before). But let’s face it, students have adults coming in and out of their lives all the time and even if you are the most likeable guy or gal in the world, it’s going to take time for students to really let you into their world. A key to showing that you care is a commitment to consistency and longevity. It takes time…

Finally, if any of us take a look at other successful ministries around us, our first response must be, “Praise God for what He is doing there”. And second, “It must have taken TIME”. 

Have a great weekend!

Phil <><

This evening as I write this, it is -4 here in Southeast Michigan. (-20c to all my UK and metric readers). For the next few days it’s going to this cold and perhaps even colder. Coming from the UK, I must admit, I am still not used to this kind of weather… The thing I dislike the most, (apart from the bone chilling cold), is that I never know when I am drive on a patch of ice or even worse, walk on a patch of ice I didn’t see… 

So, here’s my question… Do you ever have any ice patches in your ministry? Do you have times that catch you off guard and hurt you? Do you drive or walk in your ministry living in the fear of hitting ice again? Let me explain what I mean better…

Do have those moments in ministry when you wonder if it’s worth it? Do you have those moments when you feel like someone in your church had the inside scoop to your insecurity and went straight for the jugular? Do you ever have those moments when you are rethinking every word of your message after youth group and wondering if the kids ‘liked it’? Do you ever have moments when someone questions your ability to lead and it tears you apart? 

If you have had those moments, you and I are quite similar… It’s been some of those moments that have made me question whether or not I should stay in ministry or not… I guess you know what I concluded )

Take some time to read part of an article written by Craig Groeschel from lifechurch.tv wrote today. The only way that I have concluded I can stay in ministry and be truly effective, is to be secure in Christ…

 

People are always watching. Many are full of grace. Many are full of judgment.

As a pastor’s family, you will be wise to prayerfully develop a deep sense of “security in Christ.”

• When your kids are secure in Christ—peer pressure weakens. When your kids are not secure in Christ—peer pressure increases.

• When you are secure in Christ, your need for human acceptance decreases. When you aren’t secure in Christ, rejection kills you.

• When you are secure in Christ, you easily obey the voice of God. When you are not secure in Christ, you constantly fear the opinions of people.

The more God blesses your ministry, the more negative voices you’ll attract. Years ago I was stinging from some painfully false rumors that were circulating. God used Amy  to build my security in Christ.

She asked me (already knowing the answer), “Are the rumors true?”

“No.”

Then she said with deep faith and assurance. “People’s opinion of us doesn’t change Gods’ opinion. Live for the opinion that matters.”

LINK

 

 Being in ministry does not always create an easy environment to keep romance alive and communication healthy. I speak to so many youth workers and their spouses who share some of the same struggles as Lisa and I: How to make time for each other and how to truly invest in our marriage in a way that will help us more than just ‘get by’… Do you think like that?

For Lisa and I, about 6 months ago, we were given an opportunity to slow down and reflect on how our lives and marriage were holding up. As we talked, we realized that life had become busy and we were surviving, but not growing… We were talking, but not fully engaged… We realized that some changes had to be made. I wish I had time to tell you about all the changes we have made, but I will save that for later… Let me tell you how the ABC dates have been a huge investment in our marriage…

Here’s how they work for us: We plan a month out and plan every two weeks to go out, (that’s 26 a year… yes, there are 26 letters in the alphabet). We put those dates in the calendar and then in order, (but it doesn’t have to be), we plan out the ‘letter’ for that date. We try to do an activity or go to a restaurant that has the letter for that date, (sometimes we eat and do an activity too – sometimes just the activity to keep it cheaper).  

Here’s How:  

A – Applesbees and Arcade games, (good old fashioned arcades games too). 

B – Bowling (we had not been bowling in years… we were awful, but it was so much fun to laugh at each other). 

C – China Chef (a cheap hole in the wall chinese place that we love) and Corn Maze (We walked and talked for a few hours)

“Yeah, yeah… what about Z and Q and letters like that…”? – We have them all planned, you will be surprized how many ideas you get! Try it… 

The ABC dates are simple, but creative. They often require you to do activities that you have not done in a long time. They require you to plan and set aside time in advance, but here are the results:

The Results: When we get creative with the letters we ended up doing things that have made us laugh, made us talk more, made us experience more, and made us look forward to dates more. It’s so easy to do the same things all the time and they lose their impact. The ABC dates are never the same… 

In the 6 months we have been doing this I can honestly say that this is one significant investment that has brought about great depth of love  for each other. It’s amazing to see what happens when you take time to invest in each other and get excited about the next activity. Something happens, and it makes the difference. Try the ABC’s out if you want, but most of all… take time to plan dates together… no matter how busy life and ministry is…

Do you ever feel like ministry is like trying to chase cheese down a hill? It’s like you always have something more to do, always another student to meet with, another leader to train, another message to write… Or the church toilet to clean (after the middle school lock-in), the website to update, a boring church meeting to attend… you name it, it’s always a busy time in youth ministry.

So what do ya do when it gets crazy and busy? Here’s what I am learning to do: 

Two books have influenced me in the last few years that have been huge in discerning how to ‘get down the hill’ of ministry safely: 

1) What Matters Most by Doug Fields (pick it up at simplyyouthministry). When you discover what is most important in life and ministry, you are able to let the cheese roll away and not have to chase it. In other words, there will always be more to do and the reality is you can’t get it all done. You can either chase like crazy and not get it done anyways, (and in the process compromise your walk with God and your family), or you can take time out to discern what is truly important and ensure that these things get most of your energy, while less important things get delegated or put on the back burner. Doing this gives me great confidence to say, “great opportunity, but if I say yes to it, I will be saying no to something more important”. 

2) Eat That Frog,  by Brian Tracy: This book is practical and helps me in priorities and ensures that the ‘big frogs’ or the most important and challenging things get done first. It outlines practical steps that I can take to be organized. To say, “oh, I’m a youth worker and all youth workers are disorganized” is a cop out… that does not have to be true. And my effectiveness is tied to my planning and organization.

Nothing happens unless I am intentional… great events of tomorrow are planned today. 

Happy Reading 

PB

A good friend once told me that discipleship for tomorrow begins today. In other words, nothing happens unless it is intentional and planned. We can say we want to start the new year by growing deeper in our faith. If you are like me, my ‘plans’ are often just empty hopes of what I want to see happen, instead of being something that is concrete.

Here’s how I am trying to help my hopes become a plan and action for this new year. Here’s a snapshot of what I am planning and some is what I already do on a weekly basis:

Morning Quiet Times: For me a morning quiet works best when I am the first up in the house… that is hard sometimes when you have a toddler who likes to wake early. However, when I do get up before the craziness begins, this is what my quiet time looks like: A cup of coffee in my lazy boy and I sit and talk with God for a few minutes thanking Him for all I can think of at that time. (It’s amazing how this gets my focus on track). Then, for the next 15 minutes or so, (that’s it) I relax and try to be quiet with God and my coffee, just listening and trying not to think about my day too much. It’s amazing how pausing like this helps me to hear God better… So simple, but so powerful!

Study: In the last half of last year I discovered ‘The Wiersbe Bible Study Series’ – This is something I read through and study for the first 30 minutes of my ministry day before I get bogged down in ministry. I usually skip a couple of times a week, (on Sundays and on a few days where I try to read a ministry related book before my day starts). These studies by Wiersbe are great and practical. I am currently working through a study on Philippians that I didn’t finish yet…

Big Chunk Reading (sounds really spiritual doesn’t it)? : A couple of times a week I try to read a large chunk of the Bible to get an overview and sometimes for inspiration. This week my plan is to start reading through the book of Luke as I follow the Christmas story and the life of Jesus…

Start Simple: The most important thing I have discovered is this: It all takes time and simple steps forward. I have found that starting with one simple thing is the best way for me. I am not one of those ’spiritual giants’ who can have a huge plan and put it into action straight away. For me it starts with getting those morning quiet times in place first…

Do you ever feel like this bear when it comes to healthy habits in your ministry and personal life? Sometimes it feels like all the pressures and deadlines keep tripping us up. We might feel like we are ‘running’ well for a few days, but then something comes up: A ministry deadline, a busy week, a dispute with someone at church, our own motivation… and we are flat on our face again. This has been true for me many times.

The truth is, our ability to manage a sustainable ministry is tied to how well we are living out our lives in health, emotions, mental challenge and of course, our spiritual depth. We cannot get away from the fact that our effectiveness is tied to discipline and good habits. 

As we start the new year, I’m going to share my plan and progress with establishing healthy habits in my life. Here’s how it looks:

 A few months ago I read a book called ‘The Power of Full Engagement’ by Loehr and  Schwartz. There a four key areas they maintain must be worked on together to help us to  be ‘fully engaged’. They assert that if one area is not being invested in, it is likely that  other areas in our life will be impacted. The areas are:

 1) Spiritual Growth (although these guys don’t claim to be Christians, they do understand  the importance of spiritual growth in our lives.
 2) Physical
 3) Mental
 4) Emotional

During the next week I am going to take some time laying out what I do and am going to do this year to keep healthy habits and healthy balance.

Today on December 31st, it’s a good opportunity to look back as see how well I did in those areas and make a plan for the next year. Remember, nothing happens unless it is intentional. Discipleship for tomorrow always starts today… Are you ready?