This week we continue our series of posts about the importance of finding support in youth ministry. If we want to hang in for the long haul, it’s essential to find the right people and practices to avoid painful pitfalls:
“How Much Should I Tell My Spouse?”
Wow. If I had a dime for every answer I had gotten to this question, I wouldn’t have to tell her anything…because I’d be retired!!
I believe the answer to this question is something you should negotiate at home – because every family is different. Some spouses don’t want to know anything. Some better know everything. And some only want to know the majors.
Consider your household and see what applies to you:
- Don’t ask, don’t tell. Your spouse only wants to know if they ask you something. Otherwise, keep a lid on it.
- Plausible deniability. Keep everything secret so your spouse never has to lie about what they do or do not know.
- Total transparency. Tell everything, big or small, so your spouse is never caught off guard.
- Lie and avert the eyes. If you don’t look them in the eyes, they’ll never know.
- Diagnose and prescribe. Assess the situation and decide if specific knowledge will benefit your spouse.
I Tell My Spouse Everything
Partly because I process things aloud and my spouse helps me stay on track. Partly because we decided early on it was healthier for us to know and share everything.
Some pastors I know tell their spouses nothing. It simply affects their spouse’s worship and faith walk to know all the nitty-gritty from church.
Some of my colleagues share stuff only when it looks like drama is about to ensue –so their spouses are spared the daily grind, but aren’t caught off guard when something massive is coming down the pike.
Regardless of where you land on the ‘how much is too much’ debate, just be sure you and your spouse are on the same page with the answer to that question.
So, how much is too much? How much is too little? What is your current ‘policy’? What needs to change to help / protect your spouse?